Quiet and Contemplative

It's been a relatively quiet weekend and I've been deep in thought for much of it. I haven't accomplished much work that I intended but my Soul needs some down time and pleasure. So I've been reading and thinking on spiritual topics and reading about sexuality...I suppose my mind is a bit lost in all that I am dreaming of but if I dream it, I can manifest it - if the time is right.

So I had an epiphany last night regarding my Saturn-Neptune book and why I am now finally ready to write it...when the idea originally sprang forth (years ago!) I had much less experience - personally and professionally - and much of the experience I had at that point was negative (at least with synastry, both with myself and my clients) and I needed to have this recent insight that would deepen the book exponentially. It is so simple and so obvious now but yet I never thought of it in such a way before. I can see how patience can pay off in the long run...if I had pushed myself in the past I would have produced an inferior project to the one I will be able to present now. I have such a great feeling about it and feel quite confident.

I was reading a bit about Eros and then daydreamed for a while about the tour D George is giving in Egypt in October. I would so love to go on that trip. I can only hope it will be offered again in the future. The one to South America and to Greece also pulls me strongly. I am so restless with Uranus opposing my Mercury/Pluto and my sexual energy is so fierce with Pluto sextile my Moon...Venus is opposing my Sun today and T Sun is on my NN and here I am, alone. No company. No love forthcoming. No conversations. No gifts or attention. But this is ok, I have my books and my dreams. I have a 'voice' and this is a recurring thought over the past 24 hours. Voice. Silence. Voice. I am a Lover and have the voice to give and share Love. I am a very sexual creature but am able to channel this energy into creative works...most of the time. It is interesting how potent Saturn in the 12th is for me. It would be easy for me to say I am lonely but in a sense I am not. I am calm and centered in the moment. I accept that I have to let things unfold and participate more as an observer now. So my focus turns to my projects and professional aspirations.

I think of my deep sensuality, my love of eros within all things, and the realization I have had concerning what sets me apart from others and contributes to that reoccurring sense of being 'apart' from people while quite deep in the Universal flow. My Saturn-Neptune as a spiritual bridge. My rich Venus in Libra and her love of the intellect, posh settings, and ancient history...the sensuality within architecture and the gardens of the Earth. The aspects of life and living that I value are no longer valued by society (for the most part). The glass and steel buildings replacing the stone and brick...the lack of beauty and refinement. The sense of quality over quantity. The importance of ritual and rhythm. The deep connection and responsibility to nuture and express our own sensuality. Everyday life in such environment and the mind-set of the nation (and beyond) to rape and take advantage to make a profit is depressing. My poetry that so few care to understand or are not educated enough to do so. The sensuality underlying most things I do...it attracts others because it is so unusual...yet this is how life should be. All of us should enjoy and express sensuality - eros - as so integrated into our life, environment, and being that I would not be 'apart'. So I lead by example, I suppose, and this is part of my ability to help others awaken.

Seattle is calling to me again.  I am not sure what I will find there but there is something nudging me to get there. I will return to this thought at some later point, perhaps after I discover what the something is. LOL

I'm in a great mood...

Wow, not sure why but I am feeling wonderful today...it could be the quiet and privacy!  Everyone is gone but me...what a miracle!  So I am just expressing my joy for half a moment before I get to work on my karmic reading.  I feel just great!  I hope my SP wakes up happy too :D

I am in a dark - oh, so very dark - mood...

I am in a dark - oh, so very dark - mood. I want to be ridden...driven...impaled...taken over the edge and ripped apart. A nice cemetery would do...or a misty forest...maybe a dungeon. I just want some release...to be released...to be swallowed whole and transformed. It's like being driven beyond despair and in need of physical expression to be back inside myself and fully alive. Nothing I say here now could possibly explain this...my mind is full of images and words as well as feelings and a potent, trembling brew of pure fury. As I cannot describe this further, I will indulge myself graphically.