The dawn of a new day...

I'm in a much more positive space today, despite great worry about a few of my friends. I did help my counselor/reader the other night, so that was a wonderful feeling to wake up to. I am still in the early phases of healing but I know I will get there and be stronger for it.

I have spent the morning writing a new poem - A Whispering Breeze - and created a new shrine for those of us caught up in or wounded by a Saturn-Neptune Connection relationship. This relationship was my THIRD such Saturn/Neptune relationship...you'd think I would stay away from them like the plague by now, but no, I try, try again. Of course only those who have experienced them personally have any clue what it feels like, how you are drawn into it, how it feels so RIGHT. I work with these relationships all the time and the feelings and relationships are so familiar.

Shall I now vow NEVER AGAIN? Have I learned enough about it yet??? LOL

I saw online that there is SNOW in Virginia already, so it looks like we will indeed have a white Christmas on our short break there. We are escaping to the Blue Ridge foothills for Christmas this year...we will be WAY out in the boonies and I will turn OFF my blackberry and experience a little peace and quiet for a few days. I can assure you that the world will still turn without me, though you'd think the sky was falling every time I disappear for a few days by the guilt trips people lay on me. I have not had a break since a few days in Ohio late last year, so it is WAY overdue. My clients and site visitors will have me fresh again and ready to tackle their issues.

I've looked high and low for a poem I wrote earlier this year about digging a grave, but it must be lost on my destroyed PC. I will try to get it off there when I have more time...so the following poem from a few months ago will have to do, perhaps a precursor to the current issue:

They Sing in the Silence

These bones are bare,
Stripped of skin and flesh,
Demure and vulnerable,
Warm and yet so cold in the twilight
Of your gaze…
These bones are bare,
Cracked, lined zigzagging fissures
Resting sullenly in the box,
Alone and discarded in the aftermath
Of your ministrations…
Ahh…yes, these bare and broken things!
How they rustle while lying still,
How they sing in the silence,
Melodic whispers but an echo in the dark.
Listen! Listen…their song mournful
Yet vibrant, daring to spill secrets.

Oh…how they do sing!
A dirge of pain and cracked memories,
Taunting you with their fragility and strength…

Dena L Moore
September 2, 2008

I Live, I Die, I Burn, I Drown

I found this gem of a poem today by Delmira Agustini, an Uruguayan poet of Italian blood...her works, as I've found them, are written in Spanish and while a few of the translations I have found may do her work justice, I have a feeling that they are more beautiful in Spanish. I have never read her before but her work resonates with me very strongly. I posted "I Live, I Die, I Burn, I Drown" on the website along with my new work, "Joined At The Crossroad."

No, they aren't really related or in similar context...I wrote my poem last night and just today decided to do a little poetic exploring, lol. Here is another I enjoyed:

Tu Boca (Your Mouth)


Spanish

Yo hacía una divina labor, sobre la roca
Creciente del Orgullo. De la vida lejana,
Algún pétalo vívido me voló en la mañana,
Algún beso en la noche. Tenaz como una loca,
Sequía mi divina labor sobre la roca.

Cuando tu voz que funde como sacra campana
En la nota celeste la vibración humana,
Tendió su lazo do oro al borde de tu boca;

—Maravilloso nido del vértigo, tu boca!
Dos pétalos de rosa abrochando un abismo…—

Labor, labor de gloria, dolorosa y liviana;
¡Tela donde mi espíritu su fue tramando él mismo!
Tú quedas en la testa soberbia de la roca,

Y yo caigo, sin fin, en el sangriento abismo!


English

I was at my divine labor, upon the rock
Swelling with Pride. From a distance,
At dawn, some bright petal came to me,
Some kiss in the night. Upon the rock,
Tenacious a madwoman, I clung to my work.

When your voice, like a sacred bell,
A celestial note with a human tremor,
Stretched its golden lasso from the edge of your mouth;

—Marvelous nest of vertigo, your mouth!
Two rose petals fastened to an abyss…—

Labor, labor of glory, painful and frivolous;
Fabric where my spirit went weaving herself!
You come to the arrogant head of the rock,

And I fall, without end, into the bloody abyss!

Delmira Agustini

Life is one big adventure, often painful, often full of joy. I had a Human Design consultation yesterday and I feel more solid and stronger today. My counselor/reader is one of the few in the world who would call my intensity BEAUTIFUL! Thank you...if you read this, THANK YOU :D Of course I've already told you in person. What is called neediness is actually my fierce burning intensity, which was pointed out again to me yesterday in consultation. THIS is WHO I AM...like it, hate it, love it, run from it.

I may be off to Scotland in February, so that is something to look forward to :D

Down with the sickness...

Here I am, pieced back together for the time being and making the most of it, lol. I've been listening to a lot of music and dancing today...it's frustrating that I cannot do all I used to be able to do physically. I used to be able to dance nonstop for hours and being very flexible, I've always been able to move in just about any way I have wanted. I haven't tried it out much in the past few years due to my injuries but today I really wanted to get some bottled up energy out and find that I am much more stiff in some joints than I would like to be, than I used to be! And that is with doing yoga (though I admit not as consistently as I should). So...that was a little disappointing but I will keep working with it and see if I can loosen it up a little.

And - Surprise! - I've written a new poem. I often write when listening to music and have found amazingly that the Rome Soundtrack works great when channeling, even when in chat with clients. It's all good. I've decided I will list out the songs that I listened to while creating the new poem (which I may go over a few more times - we'll see)...I'm not sure if what I'm listening to reflects what comes out of me or if what is in me determines what to listen to.

Music, in order played:

Down with the Sickness - Disturbed
Thunderstruck - AC/DC
Over - Sugarcult
Apologize - OneRepublic
What do I have to do - Stabbing Westward
Broken - Seether
Undead - Hollywood Undead

And the poem, which may be reworked - it also loses some of it's form here in the blog. The lines in italics should be indented but it won't allow it on here:

Blistered Cage

Blistered cage - come inside -
Oh, come…come…frightened and ashen,
Won’t you come?
The gate’s locked but you have the key
(it’s melting in this heat);
I’m waiting inside, in the flames,
Your paranoid tormentor chained,
Blistered, bleeding, reveling in the pain.
This is your Keep, your thorny field,
The crash of the waves against sand…

The bars of solitude enclose me - I’m a beast
Snarling and growling, panicking in the fire,
It licks around me
(like your lips)
And I’m drowning, drowning…floundering,
Going down on my knees, hands clasped
Around the iron, smelting, fused and needy,
Trapped in this blistered cage…
You’re frightened and ashen,
Losing the key, melting in the heat,

Won’t you come?

Dena L Moore
November 19, 2008

This blog helps me release some things...I just can't be bottled up, held back, or repressed any longer...it just can't be done, or maybe I just refuse to do it?? Not sure, but I was thinking about the last time I got to play with Saturn along all my planets and I have to say, heartbreak or no, MUCH worse things happened back when I was 11 than now. So I will smile and send him my love in silence.

Let's try this again...

As some of you know, I recently deleted my poetry blog...I have several reasons for why I deleted it but none of which I feel like publicly sharing. Today I am in a "I don't give a F*ck" mindset so here I am, ready to try again. I've lost some very nice posts and comments, but I'm growing used to losing things in my world. Eventually nothing will be that big of a deal as I let go and "let God(dess)."

I have a new poem up called "In Wood Like Stone." I hope you enjoy it, it is an offering of my current emotional crisis and heartache.