Adoration...

The love that you withhold is the pain that you carry.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The more we give love, the greater our capacity to do so.

David R Hawkins

 
I am in a strong Neptunian phase today...oh, how I am drifting in and out of different levels of awareness. I am not focused but I am dreamy...and my heart is overflowing with tenderness and appreciation for my life as I am living it, the here and now and the future. For all that has gone before and all that will come ahead. Underlying everything is an intense connection to Spirit and a deep adoration for my beloved. My heart is full and continues to expand with love for him in a way no one would believe even if I shared it...if one has not felt this intense connection to all that is through a loved one, well, they simply could not understand.  It is not that I 'worship' him but rather I honor his inner god, his Soul, and his very essence. The spark of him. What I see within him, some of which I do not even know if he sees himself. His beauty and illumination. A magnificent spark incased in glorious flesh.
 
Despite all that is difficult in our lives I am happy...happier than I have ever been. Joyful in my love and in the expansiveness within my own being. A deep awareness of the unity of Spirit and Flesh. A joy so deep that it reaches so far within myself that it moves beyond my own being and spreads out to touch the lives of others. This is what my love has brought into my world, into my life, and while life may be challenging, it is always perfect.

A man of mythic proportion...lol

Oh, I know I should be working on this calendar but my mind and heart are both so far, far away and I can't wait until I am physically far away too! I have been daydreaming of my SP and just feeling a surge of energy that is difficult to ignore or contain. I really want to write a poem to put my feelings into some sort of form but I will have to force-focus in a moment as I have had complaints that the January calendar is not done. Still, I need to release some of this and so here I am for a brief moment. Somehow when I think of him or connect with him, I can feel the very pulse of so much more than any one human should be able to feel. I do not know how to put it into any clearer words...what we share goes beyond words or a typical relationship. We are communicating on so many levels all the time...lately I have wondered if we, and others like us, will be the forerunners for future relationship development on a evolutionary scale. I have felt a shift taking place in the general population for the past few years, how they approach love and relationship, how what was once taboo is now the norm, how people want more from relationships and are less willing to settle and accept the picket fence dream and outdated beliefs that no longer fit the 'race' we are becoming.

I have never felt for anyone else as I feel for SP...even when the old fears start to creep up, I am able to slay them quite quickly. I am able to recognize them for what they are and not project them outward. His energy is just so exciting and yet comfortable all at once. I wish I could be with him in this very moment, whispering something sweet and sexy, drawing him to me...feeling the energy run between us...he is truly a man of mythic proportion. A dragon...a phoenix...a fighting catfish...a warrior-king...oh, so much and rolled into such a gorgeous humanly form to tempt and tease me and drive me wild with desire. I desire him...not just sexually, but intellectually, emotionally...in all ways.  I can only be patient and take it a day at a time...but I am counting the days.