In a galaxy far, far away...

there lived a beautiful maiden who was fast asleep...I wish I was she! Not that I am not beautiful, because obviously I am, but because I am not asleep, LOL.  And so what if anyone reads this and thinks I'm arrogant. So what. I am exactly as I should be, a wonderful creation of the Universe. I used to think I was arrogant -  but no, in order to be arrogant the words spoken or the thoughts created are not true. All I say and all I believe about myself are justifiably the truth and I accept my bad bits along with my good bits and that equals self-acceptance, self-love, and maturity. Sometimes I even like my bad bits more than my good bits and so does that make me 'evil'?? Who cares.

I am going to sleep soon but I am trying to force my body to adjust to Seattle time. Plus that big old bed is lonely. I woke up this morning and only my small portion was disturbed...I hadn't even rolled around. Made it easy for the maid, I suppose.

Oh geez oh pete...it was NOT a good idea to have all of these astrologers in one place. Holy cripes, I am hearing their damn thoughts to the point they are intruding in my mind. First a woman and now a man. I will have to try to create a better 'shield' tonight. I don't want to hear this crap when I'm trying to sleep. One going on about needing to accomplish this and that, the other going on about Leos and.... These are not conversations with someone but their actual internal thoughts. Yes, I can read minds but I generally create 'blocks' so I don't have to hear this banal garbage...but these ones are super strong or I am just super tired and defenseless.

And it is the Full Moon and I wanted to write SP a poem but am too worn out to weave my magic into form. I love him more than the Moon can love the Sun, more than Venus loves her Mars. I am amazed at how far the heart can expand. I have loved before but what I felt as love was like the wind on the cheek compared to this deep and blessed feeling of belonging. I feel his in every way and I am not threatened by that...I enjoy it. I want to be his even though the situation is more complex. It is so complex that it is simple. I love him. It's not a poem but it's my heartfelt - soulfelt - reality.  Now I will try to be that beautiful maiden in another galaxy...who knows, maybe I am.

Well...I did it...and the wheel turns

NORWAC here I come...I'm really starting to look forward to this trip after a few months of feeling sort of indifferent. I have a lovely yod going on while there and I have a feeling something is going to happen, even if it is subtle and lingering rather than a smack upside the head. I am hoping it will inspire me to get back to work on my book.

I've been daydreaming too much the past few days but maybe I need to. I've explored plane tickets and frequent flyer miles galore, played around with marketing on Amazon, added a poem to AD, and just generally messed around other than dishes, laundry, and a healing I did at 7 am. So I'm tired and my mind is up in la la land...c'est la vie!

I had to remove my Tagged profile today because although I haven't been there in like 7 months, a bunch of men were leaving very forward (even disgusting) things on my profile. I don't even know these people!! So I told Dae, sorry but it's coming down. I know she likes me to give her hearts and stuff on there but I really don't need her seeing a bunch of strange men saying things like that to me. Hell, I don't even want to see it. They need to keep their fantasies to themselves...like I'd even let them lick the dirt off my shoes.

I am in the process of releasing a few old friends who I just no longer resonate with. You'd think it would be easy but it isn't for me. I just feel I need to move forward and these people have very little in common with me. I need to be with people who are positive and spiritual, not materialistic and self-centered.  I need dynamic interchange not boring bullshit. One must sh*t or get off the damn pot. Listening to people sitting around moaning and complaining while doing nothing to change their life bores the living hell out of me and I'm going to have to let those types go. I can't spend my entire life counseling these people for free...sadly it's taken me many years to figure out that's exactly what I've been doing! Nothing but blood-sucking drains and I need my energy to do what I need to do.

I spent many hours yesterday redesigning the poetry site...I still have to do all the inner pages but they can wait for the moment. I thought it'd take me an hour or so...nope, 5+!!! I'm delusional or illusional or just crazy...but I think it looks good and will help support the books. I will have to start a new promotion site once I get the new book done. I expect this book will sell, lol.

I thought the Wheel card from the Tarot is a wonderful archetypal energy to focus on today as we approach the Jupiter-Saturn opposition. The Wheel is in the process of turning and I'm so excited...so many are fearful and worrying about the 'end of the world' and what will happen but if they would all just start waking up a bit quicker on their own our Mother Earth won't have to keep forcing them to through catastrophes.  I hear from those who are aware talking about running off and hiding out and I admit, I have thought that way a number of times myself. But if we do that, what will happen? Isn't it OUR responsibility to lead and guide the blind forward into our new way of being? Aren't we the 'gatekeepers' and lightworkers? Or 'Keeper of the Keys' as I am. Aren't we the ones who have the ability to help the others progress? This realization has empowered me...I have always been at my very best during crises and if I try to escape and avoid my responsibilites, shame on me. Shame on all of us who can help and are being fearful and thinking about just our own private lives. Perhaps this is why I am studying so intensely this year. Maybe the Mtn Astrologer doesn't want my Pallas article because it could start a controversy? Or maybe the editors didn't understand it and I didn't elaborate enough (which I did wonder about). Maybe they are scared of becoming androgynous...who knows. LOL But I am very androgynous and yet still very much a woman. I am androgynous in my nature, not my physical expression. It's nothing to be scared of but I can see how it could create fear for those resonating on a lower level.  When we are out of body we have no sexual orientation at all. I used to prefer being out of body but after 36+ years here I finally have accepted that I am in a 'temple' and I need to treat it as sacred instead of a trap. It's been a struggle and it continues on...Neptune in the 2nd house is the culprit, perhaps, in square to my nodal axis. (But I am still here - do you hear me?? Still here, still in body. I know why now but damn, shouldn't you be more gentle with such a young child???? We will have a discussion about this at some point in the future and the entire 'board' will be there, by God/dess)

I know that people who stumble upon these sorts of my rambles will think I'm crazy with some of the things I say but I don't give a rat's ass. I'm probably one of the least crazy of us here...or maybe I should say awake. That's nicer and more Libra-like.

That makes me remember that yet another astrologer thought I was a Libra. I wonder if there will ever be an astrologer who can guess my Sun sign. It's always Libra or Scorpio. Nope, nope, nope.

So I digress.  It's sad that I have to talk to myself but yet, there's nothing wrong with it. Beats trying to talk to a bunch of boring crybabies.

Let's hear it for a poem:

The Wheel

Through winter-time we call on spring,
And through the spring on summer call,
And when abounding hedges ring
Declare that winter's best of all;
And after that there's nothing good
Because the spring-time has not come --
Nor know that what disturbs our blood
Is but its longing for the tomb.

William Butler Yeats

The path of its departure still is free

Ahh, Shelley...is it always turbulence for us romantics? I suppose we create our own realities through our thought forms and dreams but sometimes no matter how positive and certain we are, we are smacked in the face and left to drown.

So we share Saturn-Neptune and a reversed nodal axis (by sign), as well as our controversial mind-sets and depth of emotion that arises through painful experience. 

I have a lot I want to say but am unable to get it out. At least I am used to rejection and denial so although death by sea sounds almost fantastic at the moment, I carry on. Neptune's presence is felt.

Mutability

We are the clouds that veil the midnight moon;
How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver,
Streaking the darkness radiantly!--yet soon
Night closes round, and they are lost forever:

Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings
Give various response to each varying blast,
To whose frail frame no second motion brings
One mood or modulation like the last.

We rest.--A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise.--One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond foe, or cast our cares away.

It is the same!--For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability.

Percy Bysshe Shelley

I bow to your mastery, your vision, and grace.

K'un - Ta Yuo...to be blessed, to be a blessing

I am a radiant being and as such, I am a bountiful and blessed channel as I recognize, however humbly, that I am to serve and to serve joyfully...perhaps in a different way than I am currently, but all will reveal itself as life unfolds. I have talked about my ego several times over the past few months and am afraid that the very word 'ego' has a negative connotation and has been misunderstood by others at times in the past. Without an ego we are rudderless in navigating our own lives. As Maurice Fernandez says in his book "Neptune": Love originates through EGO. Only through ego can one identify emotionally with anything. He also states: "Ego is the vessel of personal consciousness through which evolution proceeds."

Thus, without an ego, we cannot understand what it is to love; nor can we actively participate in our own lives or in the process of evolution of our species. To have an ego is not negative. To have an ego is to be able to love, to understand love, and to give love generously to others. I have a defined heart center; I have an ego. I can give and give and give love. This ability is not always appreciated, respected, or understood.  Perhaps I have not always understood or respected it enough myself, as I have had to mature and grow just like the rest of us (well, for those of us who do! Sadly, it isn't a very high percentage). Now, however, as I go deeper into studying the I-Ching and the Tao Te Ching as I learn the Human Design, I find myself making progress at a rapid pace. This is also, due in part, to the blessings freely given to me by my spiritual friends, particularly Dean who has been like an Angel to me recently during an extremely difficult passage and Paulo who inspires me every weekend with poetry, photography, music, and words of the Masters right when I need to feel the comfort of the Universe wrapped about me so I do not fall into negativity. Without their kindness, connection, and giving, I would be (or would have been, in the past) unable to shoulder the burden of weekly separation from my SP, a separation I have yet to fathom. I have decided to no longer focus or think deeply on it. It is what it is.

I am feeling calmer than ever, with Chiron opposing my Mars and Neptune trine my Venus and square to him/her self. Calm despite the winds blowing around me. Calm despite the unsettled sea. Calm in the face of adversity and the deep echoes. I am loved and I am loving. I am learning and I am growing. I am happy thus. Throughout life I have been pulled and pushed, overwhelmed, pressured, clung too, worn down and worn out, overpowered, and walked upon...now I wish to lead a natural and peaceful life without all of the ups and downs, dramas and traumas, and emotional tragedy and pain. I want to release any anger and pain that still resides within. I want to feel at one in my peaceful state; to maintain the love that flows through me and share it with those who appreciate the deeper ways of being despite any hardship or sorrow. I am like a mountain being transformed and reshaped as the river rushes up against me.

I am tired now but I am feeling at peace.

Perched upon a jutting stone...

Ahhh...here I am. Although I have been writing and writing and writing I haven't written much poetry or had too much of an urge to honor this blog with a ramble. Actually I have written a few poems over the past week or so but am thus far keeping them to myself :)  I do that sometimes!

The title of this blog, "Perched upon a jutting stone" is an ancient iambic fragment belonging to Archilochus, who lived from 687 - 652 BC. I have been deep in study mode and my studies range from very in-depth, psychological astrology stuff to ancient poetry to the Human design. It's amazing how much I've been able to accomplish, but now I am feeling a bit drained and need to relax more. Allow all I've been learning to integrate and sink in deeper. I chose the title for this blog because that is how I am feeling today, like I am perched upon a jutting stone, daydreaming, perhaps looking out over the sea...allowing myself to move with the waves as they wash around me. I also like the sexual connotation of a 'jutting' stone, and how it can be read in various ways. I like his work, most of which comes to us now in fragments.  Here are a few that intrigue me:

"Such desire for love, coiled at my heart,
shed a thick mist over my eyes,
stealing the tender senses from my breast."

and another:

"Wracked with desire I lie,
lifeless, pierced through the bone
by the crushing pains of the gods."

I will take that into myself...oh, how I know that feeling so well. Pierced and unsettled, crushed and yet alive. Needing more but forced to accept what is available in the present.