Let life touch you...

Life has touched me today, in one of those ways that go beyond explanation. I just found this page on "The Four Emotions That Can Lead To Life Change" and really liked it.  I want to put it here so I can read it again in the future :)

I have a new client who came unexpectedly last night and she has lived a very difficult life...one worse - in some ways - than my own, which is difficult to imagine sometimes but the truth.  We met today and though she only paid for 30 minutes of tarot - which I never even touched my deck - we were together for 2 1/2 hours.  She wanted to pay me more but I said not to worry. I do not feel bad or resentful about it but rather elated and happy that I was able to make a difference. I believe she lost about 100 lbs worth of guilt in our time together and even said how she felt amazing and much lighter. I am tired now but so thankful. Maybe I am poor but when I can make a real difference in my work, it is worth it. I am spiritually rich. I will die knowing that I have made a positive mark on many Souls and that means I will be able to die in peace when it is time.  I have a number of things in common with this woman, even the desire to work with children in hospice. When Gare is older and needs less care I would like to volunteer to stay with them while they pass on. I know others may not understand my desire to work with dying children but the main reason I want to is because I can...there aren't too many like me in the world and their souls need love and guidance during transition just as much or more than older people.

Ah well, I have all sorts of plans and ideas and who knows if any of them will become reality. I can see my work/job is already in the process of a shift and I think I like it. I feel blessed today and positive that I am fulfilling contractual obligations as written in my 'contract'. I am so happy that Venus has finally gotten out of my 12th house so that others can 'see' me again and come to me...I am never happier than when I am truly being of service and making a difference for others. I do need to earn a living though too, so it is good that Venus is out of my 12th and she won't return during the retro. I am thinking about doing more work on family dynamics and offering family karma as a specific reading but will see.

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.

- Eleanor Roosevelt
 
Joy can be real only if people look on their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.

- Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy


There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

- Kahlil Gibran


There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.

- John Andrew Holmes Jr., American writer and minister
 
 
You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.

- Gorden B. Hinkley

I wonder...

what this Full Moon on my Nodes will bring...so far it is quiet and I am relatively calm, sort of dreamy. I want to write a poem but I feel almost too soft (and scattered) to do so. 


And a poem....by Sara Teasdale

Longing

I am not sorry for my soul
That it must go unsatisfied,
For it can live a thousand times,
Eternity is deep and wide.

I am not sorry for my soul,
But oh, my body that must go
Back to a little drift of dust
Without the joy it longed to know.

To be within the collective Soul

You cannot find your soul with your mind, you must use your heart. You must know what you are feeling. If you don't know what you are feeling, you will create unconsciously. If you are unconscious of an aspect of yourself; if it operates outside your field of awareness, that aspect has power over you.

~ Gary Zukav ~

I find myself deep in contemplation the past several days. I sense an awareness within the calm that I haven't experienced for several months. I feel the energy of Spirit moving through me, touching me, changing me from the inside out. There is a great attunement taking place and I have received emails from clients who are resonating from a higher place. What is it like to be at one, to be within the collective Soul? It is a peaceful place...chaos does not end or begin but rather circles around in one big mass, such as the planets move around the Sun. We are our own little Universe, encased in flesh, grounded in human form...and when we are in our Center, we are at once a building block for Higher Source and a Universe in our own right. It is our responsibility to become, to grow, to evolve...the fears we face are but obstacles on the path making us ever more resilient and ever stronger a foundational block upon which to build.

Everything is a Miracle

There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as if everything is.

~ Albert Einstein ~

Life is a miracle...there are times when I forget to be thankful and fail to be grateful; there are moments when I am angry and lose my way but I find my way back. I stop and take a deep breath; I let the tears fall. When the storm clouds part and the Sun pokes back through, I lift my hands skyward and give thanks.

Twisted Beauty and the Sea of Love

I love this tree, aptly named "Twisted Beauty" by the photographer. I will eventually write a poem for it, all in due course :)  Today I finally wrote a poem after a few weeks off...actually, I just counted and it's only been ten days. The last one I kept to myself - I do that sometimes! 

Twisted Beauty reminds me of my life. It is twisted and it is beautiful and sometimes it is twisted and beautiful all at once. There are days where I nearly give up trying to untangle it and this morning I felt squashed, as if nothing I do matters. I wrote a huge blog last night and then deleted it, for whatever reason...sometimes I do that too, when I feel too vulnerable. 

I'm feeling very raw today. The Moon is activating the past Lunar and Solar eclipses, Mars is activating the t-square (was a grand cross when the moon passed through) and Venus is activating the recent Saturn-Uranus opposition. Venus is currently on my Venus/Mars midpoint and I feel this affects my ASC-DSC axis (being the rulers) as well as my nodes (with natal Mars conjunct the SN). I'm lonely. I do not know how much lonelier I can be and at the same time I don't feel like talking to anyone or reaching out.  It will pass, I know. Life seems so unfair sometimes. I've been giving too much of myself away to clients again but I do not know what else to do when I need to earn money. I have new-old clients and new clients and a mass of appointments. This has got to have been the shittiest summer ever. Nothing but shit. Ongoing piles of it. I can only hope that things will improve once I get through all these lawsuits and hurricane season. Why is no one around for me to cry to?  I've been the strong shoulder for countless people today and now I have to be for myself as well.

I shall end with a few quotes that express my own thoughts very well.

"It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we're alive - to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are."

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"We do not need more intellectual power, we need more spiritual power. We do not need more of the things that are seen, we need more of the things that are unseen."

Calvin Coolidge