Ho, Ho, Ho...a right jolly old elf

Yeah, right...LOL. Trying to be jolly, really I am. BUT, as SW says, I am instead BACK IN BLACK. Mourning that is...for what was, what could have been, what isn't, what shouldn't be, what won't be. It's amazing how much we've been through together over the past 4 1/2 years and no matter what happens, how mean we are to one another, how depressed we get (or help make each other when we are both moping) we stick it out or eventually right the ship. We are somehow friends/enemies, brother/sister, mother/father, counsel/patient, and at one point (in early 2006) almost lovers. I used to be offended with his womanizing, now I am just SO glad I did NOT get too deeply involved (as in, commitment or lovers). Funny how feelings morph through circumstance and time. It's like we are permanent thorns in each other's paw. Somehow it must be helping us both, in some way. This, my pretties, is the manifestation of his SATURN on my Moon/Venus/Jupiter. I know, astrology this, astrology that, blah blah blah. LOL It's my lifeline.

O Saturn Claus, O Saturn Claus (sing this to the tune of O, Christmas Tree)...

Oh, right...did you guess that I am TIRED?? I'm always crazy when I'm drained and needing to sleep. I do not need alcohol or drugs to be a fool, I can manage perfectly fine on my own with clogged up brain fluids and gluten, thank you very much. :-/

Tomorrow I have a very interesting consultation...I am actually looking forward to it! Plus this week I did an amazing job for a client and she has already used my advice to make things better in her relationship. I am so happy about that, I have not seen such a lovely relationship in a long time...just one I happened to be involved in recently but we all know what happened to that. If not, just pretend you do, lol...and I am back in black.

New poem from my convoluted mind, The Scent so Bittersweet

Also, a lovely little gem from EE Cummings is posted...though I do not like the lack of capitalization (it seriously does disturb me, I'm afraid), I do like the poem. I just have to make myself ignore the bits that bother me when I'm reading. I may be eccentric but yes, I am STILL a Super Virgo...just happens to be all in the 11th house (Uranus/Aquarius).

Now if only I could lay my finger alongside my nose, rise up the chimney, get in my magical reindeer pulled sleigh and take off, LOL

Ho Ho NO

Come on over next week and taste some goodies as I will be baking away this weekend. Chocolate Chip Oatmeal cookies here we come...my baby brother's favorite. Hope he likes them as that's all he's getting this year! Have to find my secret recipe first. I know it's here somewhere...

Destruction

New Poem up on the website, Destruction

Not very social today, may chat more later :)

I Live, I Die, I Burn, I Drown

I found this gem of a poem today by Delmira Agustini, an Uruguayan poet of Italian blood...her works, as I've found them, are written in Spanish and while a few of the translations I have found may do her work justice, I have a feeling that they are more beautiful in Spanish. I have never read her before but her work resonates with me very strongly. I posted "I Live, I Die, I Burn, I Drown" on the website along with my new work, "Joined At The Crossroad."

No, they aren't really related or in similar context...I wrote my poem last night and just today decided to do a little poetic exploring, lol. Here is another I enjoyed:

Tu Boca (Your Mouth)


Spanish

Yo hacía una divina labor, sobre la roca
Creciente del Orgullo. De la vida lejana,
Algún pétalo vívido me voló en la mañana,
Algún beso en la noche. Tenaz como una loca,
Sequía mi divina labor sobre la roca.

Cuando tu voz que funde como sacra campana
En la nota celeste la vibración humana,
Tendió su lazo do oro al borde de tu boca;

—Maravilloso nido del vértigo, tu boca!
Dos pétalos de rosa abrochando un abismo…—

Labor, labor de gloria, dolorosa y liviana;
¡Tela donde mi espíritu su fue tramando él mismo!
Tú quedas en la testa soberbia de la roca,

Y yo caigo, sin fin, en el sangriento abismo!


English

I was at my divine labor, upon the rock
Swelling with Pride. From a distance,
At dawn, some bright petal came to me,
Some kiss in the night. Upon the rock,
Tenacious a madwoman, I clung to my work.

When your voice, like a sacred bell,
A celestial note with a human tremor,
Stretched its golden lasso from the edge of your mouth;

—Marvelous nest of vertigo, your mouth!
Two rose petals fastened to an abyss…—

Labor, labor of glory, painful and frivolous;
Fabric where my spirit went weaving herself!
You come to the arrogant head of the rock,

And I fall, without end, into the bloody abyss!

Delmira Agustini

Life is one big adventure, often painful, often full of joy. I had a Human Design consultation yesterday and I feel more solid and stronger today. My counselor/reader is one of the few in the world who would call my intensity BEAUTIFUL! Thank you...if you read this, THANK YOU :D Of course I've already told you in person. What is called neediness is actually my fierce burning intensity, which was pointed out again to me yesterday in consultation. THIS is WHO I AM...like it, hate it, love it, run from it.

I may be off to Scotland in February, so that is something to look forward to :D

Down with the sickness...

Here I am, pieced back together for the time being and making the most of it, lol. I've been listening to a lot of music and dancing today...it's frustrating that I cannot do all I used to be able to do physically. I used to be able to dance nonstop for hours and being very flexible, I've always been able to move in just about any way I have wanted. I haven't tried it out much in the past few years due to my injuries but today I really wanted to get some bottled up energy out and find that I am much more stiff in some joints than I would like to be, than I used to be! And that is with doing yoga (though I admit not as consistently as I should). So...that was a little disappointing but I will keep working with it and see if I can loosen it up a little.

And - Surprise! - I've written a new poem. I often write when listening to music and have found amazingly that the Rome Soundtrack works great when channeling, even when in chat with clients. It's all good. I've decided I will list out the songs that I listened to while creating the new poem (which I may go over a few more times - we'll see)...I'm not sure if what I'm listening to reflects what comes out of me or if what is in me determines what to listen to.

Music, in order played:

Down with the Sickness - Disturbed
Thunderstruck - AC/DC
Over - Sugarcult
Apologize - OneRepublic
What do I have to do - Stabbing Westward
Broken - Seether
Undead - Hollywood Undead

And the poem, which may be reworked - it also loses some of it's form here in the blog. The lines in italics should be indented but it won't allow it on here:

Blistered Cage

Blistered cage - come inside -
Oh, come…come…frightened and ashen,
Won’t you come?
The gate’s locked but you have the key
(it’s melting in this heat);
I’m waiting inside, in the flames,
Your paranoid tormentor chained,
Blistered, bleeding, reveling in the pain.
This is your Keep, your thorny field,
The crash of the waves against sand…

The bars of solitude enclose me - I’m a beast
Snarling and growling, panicking in the fire,
It licks around me
(like your lips)
And I’m drowning, drowning…floundering,
Going down on my knees, hands clasped
Around the iron, smelting, fused and needy,
Trapped in this blistered cage…
You’re frightened and ashen,
Losing the key, melting in the heat,

Won’t you come?

Dena L Moore
November 19, 2008

This blog helps me release some things...I just can't be bottled up, held back, or repressed any longer...it just can't be done, or maybe I just refuse to do it?? Not sure, but I was thinking about the last time I got to play with Saturn along all my planets and I have to say, heartbreak or no, MUCH worse things happened back when I was 11 than now. So I will smile and send him my love in silence.