Damn...I suppose it is because he is such a rebel and, well, he's "Not Afraid". I really admire big kahunas, LOL Both me and Dae really like his new song...like a lot of his stuff. Can't help it. I feel very much like him. Love his anger...so what if I'm weird.
When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing's stopping me
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
Dena L Moore's Poetry of Love, Loss, and the Occult...plus tidbits of chatter and disjointed thoughts
Monday, July 5, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Death to the Old
Death to the old ways of being,
The restrictions of others have kept me from seeing,
It’s time to embrace the inner me now
To do the things others refuse to allow -
To travel, to write, to draw love near,
Death to the inhibitions, Death to the Fear.
I am free to grow beyond all belief
Let go of the past, the people who cause grief,
It’s time to step forward, to be strong, be brave,
Time to challenge myself and gather all I crave.
Death to the past, to the pain holding me down,
My eyes are open and I’ve looked around!
There is love there before me, a whole joyous world,
But first I must break the bindings that hold me furled.
Death to the old, open eyes to the new,
Death to the old, open heart to the new,
Open arms, open mouth, I have a voice
Death to the old, I have a choice!
Death to the fear that locks me away!
I gather my courage to break all restraint,
I’ll let go of the past without fear of taint.
I am whole and glorious, a great noble woman!
The energy of this spell makes me understand,
Life is too short to waste it constrained,
It’s time to journey forward, in my own name.
The restrictions of others have kept me from seeing,
It’s time to embrace the inner me now
To do the things others refuse to allow -
To travel, to write, to draw love near,
Death to the inhibitions, Death to the Fear.
I am free to grow beyond all belief
Let go of the past, the people who cause grief,
It’s time to step forward, to be strong, be brave,
Time to challenge myself and gather all I crave.
Death to the past, to the pain holding me down,
My eyes are open and I’ve looked around!
There is love there before me, a whole joyous world,
But first I must break the bindings that hold me furled.
Death to the old, open eyes to the new,
Death to the old, open heart to the new,
Open arms, open mouth, I have a voice
Death to the old, I have a choice!
Death to the fear that locks me away!
I gather my courage to break all restraint,
I’ll let go of the past without fear of taint.
I am whole and glorious, a great noble woman!
The energy of this spell makes me understand,
Life is too short to waste it constrained,
It’s time to journey forward, in my own name.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Breaking up is hard to do
Strawberrying
My hands are murder-red. Many a plump head
drops on the heap in the basket. Or, ripe
to bursting, they might be hearts, matching
the blackbird's wing-fleck. Gripped to a reed
he shrieks his ko-ka-ree in the next field.
He's left his peck in some juicy cheeks, when
at first blush and mostly white, they showed
streaks of sweetness to the marauder.
We're picking near the shore, the morning
sunny, a slight wind moving rough-veined leaves
our hands rumple among. Fingers find by feel
the ready fruit in clusters. Flesh was perfect
yesterday . . . June was for gorging . . .
sweet hearts young and firm before decay.
"Take only the biggest, and not too ripe,"
a mother calls to her girl and boy, barefoot
in the furrows. Don't step on any. Don't
change rows. Don't eat too many." Mesmerized
by the largesse, the children squat and pull
and pick handfulls of rich scarlets, half
for the baskets, half for avid mouths.
Soon, whole faces are stained.
A crop this thick begs for plunder. Ripeness
wants to be ravished, as udders of cows when hard,
the blue-veined bags distended, ache to be stripped.
Hunkered in mud between the rows, sun burning
the back of our necks, we grope for, and rip loose
soft nippled heads. If they bleed - too soft -
let them stay. Let them rot in the heat.
When, hidden away in a damp hollow under moldy
leaves, I come upon a clump of heart-shapes
once red, now spiderspit-gray, intact but empty,
still attached to their dead stems -
families smothered as at Pompeii - I rise
and stretch. I eat one more big ripe lopped
head. Red-handed, I leave the field.
May Swenson
Thursday, June 24, 2010
The Raw Fury of Moonlit Torture
The Raw Fury of Moonlit Torture
Willows slash like razors;
Tender skin rises, moon-welts glistening
As it gurgles, as it erupts in crimson -
Saille! O, how it leaps to the surface, a crusted
Demon bursting from the mound
Ashes, worm-enriched soil clinging like an omen
To the bindings, frayed but not broken,
not severed, no, not yet - What must I do?
Turn my wrists to the wind, palms open to the sky
As it lashes down in a crescent
Of sharp stings and wicked cuts to take the edge off.
I gaze into the puddle of murky water - this is
Where you feed, right here in the dusk of my seership,
Your roots tangling, creeping into crevices, unbalancing
Destiny as you grope to take firm root in the fertile soil
Of these bindings, slaughtered ancestry the blood
That rolls through these veins, the life I bleed out into
This pool where you sup and sabotage, bloated on my
Energy...I take it back. I cut through this tangled mess
With a razor as sharp as a willow whip,
Owl talons bared, ripping through the past like entrails,
Eyes glowing into the dark, exposing you to the wind,
To the crescent welts, to the raw fury of moonlit torture.
You are the demon cast upon the stone, broken.
You are the wound first cut, now cauterized.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A poem from the depths...I will look it over again at some point and see if I want to make changes but for now, it just wanted to come out. It's been a full and complicated few days. I try not to get too upset these days when things way beyond my control happen...money comes, money goes. That is how it is. I continually am thrown about by the tides of finances. There are days when I would like nothing more than to live a very simple and austere - yet rich - life in a hut in the woods. I woke up this morning thinking how I wished I was on Cold Mountain, listening to the birds and the waterfall in peace.
Willows slash like razors;
Tender skin rises, moon-welts glistening
As it gurgles, as it erupts in crimson -
Saille! O, how it leaps to the surface, a crusted
Demon bursting from the mound
Ashes, worm-enriched soil clinging like an omen
To the bindings, frayed but not broken,
not severed, no, not yet - What must I do?
Turn my wrists to the wind, palms open to the sky
As it lashes down in a crescent
Of sharp stings and wicked cuts to take the edge off.
I gaze into the puddle of murky water - this is
Where you feed, right here in the dusk of my seership,
Your roots tangling, creeping into crevices, unbalancing
Destiny as you grope to take firm root in the fertile soil
Of these bindings, slaughtered ancestry the blood
That rolls through these veins, the life I bleed out into
This pool where you sup and sabotage, bloated on my
Energy...I take it back. I cut through this tangled mess
With a razor as sharp as a willow whip,
Owl talons bared, ripping through the past like entrails,
Eyes glowing into the dark, exposing you to the wind,
To the crescent welts, to the raw fury of moonlit torture.
You are the demon cast upon the stone, broken.
You are the wound first cut, now cauterized.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A poem from the depths...I will look it over again at some point and see if I want to make changes but for now, it just wanted to come out. It's been a full and complicated few days. I try not to get too upset these days when things way beyond my control happen...money comes, money goes. That is how it is. I continually am thrown about by the tides of finances. There are days when I would like nothing more than to live a very simple and austere - yet rich - life in a hut in the woods. I woke up this morning thinking how I wished I was on Cold Mountain, listening to the birds and the waterfall in peace.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
A Wolf and a Bear...
I am just going to jot down what I remember of this strange dream I had last night so I can contemplate on the meaning and explore it over time.
I was returning home from a trip - I do not know from where - and was having a brief conversation with a man (but am not sure where we were. Maybe at the airport). I do not know who the man was or was supposed to be. Then it switched and I was walking down a road that appeared to be old as it was very narrow and bordered on each side with housing. It reminds me of roads I've seen in Irish and English villages but it was in the US. I've never been in a city in the US with roads that narrow, not even in the colonial section of Charleston. I was walking down this road with Sam but we weren't really talking (not unusual). What was unusual is that I had a long flute full of beer...shocking! lol We were on our way 'home' and he was questioning me about my trip. Then, up ahead, I saw the man I had been talking to earlier on a balcony overhead with a woman and a man. He yelled down to me, "you aren't drinking, are you?" and I laughed and said, "well I have a beer but I've only taken a sip." There was shared laughter and then Sam said something to me (not sure what) and it irritated me and I dumped some of my beer on him.
It sort of moved forward again (or I'm not remembering) and we were still walking but through a park or a bit of forested area. I heard dogs howling and I said to Sam, "They haven't found the wolf have they?" He said no but I knew they were looking for the wolf. We got to this place which was not our house but was supposed to be, only it was two stories and like a split apartment house. We lived upstairs. I went inside and the kids were there and so was Stef. I looked out this huge picture window and saw the wolf tied to a huge fir tree and was attached with a rope across to another tree where a brown bear was caught in the tree. It was obvious to me that they (whoever they were) were trying to help the brown bear by using the weight of the wolf, but they didn't have it set up properly to work. I made a few adjustments and down came the brown bear as the weight of the bear combined with the pull from the other tree and the wolf's weight somehow helped the other trees branch to snap off. The brown bear fell to the ground with part of a tree still tied to it. I cut the rope and pulled the wolf inside. He sat in front of me and I got a brush and began combing his fur, whispering and talking to him in a calm voice. I was a little worried he may bite me but I pushed past the fear and kept brushing out his fur. Then I started petting him and stroking his fur, and I felt very loving and at peace but was worried they would find him.
It shifted a little again and Leah was there. I stopped brushing the wolf and was going to lie down and she was in my bed. I said, get out of my bed. She said "but I don't want to sleep on the floor." I said, "what happened to your bed?" Sam said, "I put it up." So I got angry and said again, "get out of my bed. we will get your bed back out or you can go sleep in Darla's bed." I went and checked in another room and sure enough, there was a bed for Darla but it was obvious we all knew she was dead. The bed was bare and the room clean. Stef was sharing a huge room with Gare and Dae had another room somewhere. I went to pull the blankets off Leah and she refused to get up but instead rolled around on my bed, making me very upset. Finally she got up and said "I don't want to hear any humping coming out of here." I told her she was disgusting and believe me, there wouldn't be any of that happening. Then I thought I heard Gare cry out and it was so real that I woke up and went and checked in real life. That is all I remember but the focus in my mind seems to be on the wolf and the bear. The wolf was being put in danger to help this bear, who just nonchalantly waddled off after being 'released'. It was so vivid.
I feel that my drinking beer when with Sam was a way to escape him. I am a bit perplexed about my sisters and why all 3 of them were there, even though Darla has been gone for 13 years this year. Perhaps because they were the one's I always tried to protect from my parents growing up and also the reason I have stayed so long putting up with my parents. So these things make sense to me.
The wolf I was very concerned about before even finding him tied in a tree, let alone tied to this big brown bear across quite some distance, maybe even a valley. When the bear fell to the ground (became grounded??) and then waddled off, I felt a sense of relief and yet some disgust that all the bear cared about was herself and getting what she needed. Then I immediately shifted focus to the wolf and helping him and soothing him. Just a very odd dream. I think I will have to give it some time to think upon.
Just found this:
I was returning home from a trip - I do not know from where - and was having a brief conversation with a man (but am not sure where we were. Maybe at the airport). I do not know who the man was or was supposed to be. Then it switched and I was walking down a road that appeared to be old as it was very narrow and bordered on each side with housing. It reminds me of roads I've seen in Irish and English villages but it was in the US. I've never been in a city in the US with roads that narrow, not even in the colonial section of Charleston. I was walking down this road with Sam but we weren't really talking (not unusual). What was unusual is that I had a long flute full of beer...shocking! lol We were on our way 'home' and he was questioning me about my trip. Then, up ahead, I saw the man I had been talking to earlier on a balcony overhead with a woman and a man. He yelled down to me, "you aren't drinking, are you?" and I laughed and said, "well I have a beer but I've only taken a sip." There was shared laughter and then Sam said something to me (not sure what) and it irritated me and I dumped some of my beer on him.
It sort of moved forward again (or I'm not remembering) and we were still walking but through a park or a bit of forested area. I heard dogs howling and I said to Sam, "They haven't found the wolf have they?" He said no but I knew they were looking for the wolf. We got to this place which was not our house but was supposed to be, only it was two stories and like a split apartment house. We lived upstairs. I went inside and the kids were there and so was Stef. I looked out this huge picture window and saw the wolf tied to a huge fir tree and was attached with a rope across to another tree where a brown bear was caught in the tree. It was obvious to me that they (whoever they were) were trying to help the brown bear by using the weight of the wolf, but they didn't have it set up properly to work. I made a few adjustments and down came the brown bear as the weight of the bear combined with the pull from the other tree and the wolf's weight somehow helped the other trees branch to snap off. The brown bear fell to the ground with part of a tree still tied to it. I cut the rope and pulled the wolf inside. He sat in front of me and I got a brush and began combing his fur, whispering and talking to him in a calm voice. I was a little worried he may bite me but I pushed past the fear and kept brushing out his fur. Then I started petting him and stroking his fur, and I felt very loving and at peace but was worried they would find him.
It shifted a little again and Leah was there. I stopped brushing the wolf and was going to lie down and she was in my bed. I said, get out of my bed. She said "but I don't want to sleep on the floor." I said, "what happened to your bed?" Sam said, "I put it up." So I got angry and said again, "get out of my bed. we will get your bed back out or you can go sleep in Darla's bed." I went and checked in another room and sure enough, there was a bed for Darla but it was obvious we all knew she was dead. The bed was bare and the room clean. Stef was sharing a huge room with Gare and Dae had another room somewhere. I went to pull the blankets off Leah and she refused to get up but instead rolled around on my bed, making me very upset. Finally she got up and said "I don't want to hear any humping coming out of here." I told her she was disgusting and believe me, there wouldn't be any of that happening. Then I thought I heard Gare cry out and it was so real that I woke up and went and checked in real life. That is all I remember but the focus in my mind seems to be on the wolf and the bear. The wolf was being put in danger to help this bear, who just nonchalantly waddled off after being 'released'. It was so vivid.
I feel that my drinking beer when with Sam was a way to escape him. I am a bit perplexed about my sisters and why all 3 of them were there, even though Darla has been gone for 13 years this year. Perhaps because they were the one's I always tried to protect from my parents growing up and also the reason I have stayed so long putting up with my parents. So these things make sense to me.
The wolf I was very concerned about before even finding him tied in a tree, let alone tied to this big brown bear across quite some distance, maybe even a valley. When the bear fell to the ground (became grounded??) and then waddled off, I felt a sense of relief and yet some disgust that all the bear cared about was herself and getting what she needed. Then I immediately shifted focus to the wolf and helping him and soothing him. Just a very odd dream. I think I will have to give it some time to think upon.
Just found this:
Friday, June 18, 2010
Be With Those Who Help Your Being
I will begin with a poem by Rumi...
Be With Those Who Help Your Being
Be with those who help your being.
Don't sit with indifferent people, whose breath
comes cold out of their mouths.
Not these visible forms, your work is deeper.
A chunk of dirt thrown in the air breaks to pieces.
If you don't try to fly,
Leaves get yellow. The tree puts out fresh roots
and makes them green.
Why are you so content with a love that turns you yellow?
Rumi - Ode 2865 Trans. Coleman Barks
Close your eyes...breathe...feel the energy relax, surround you...it is dark but peaceful. In the distance there is the sound of a waterfall, a bird's call, the gentle dance of leaves bending in the breeze...
I am there, resting in the silence. Calm and connected to Spirit, the energy of the Universe funneling through. I am there now. I am centered. Om Sri Shanaishwaraya Swaha. I dwell on the threshold with thee, O Karmic Lord, my thoughts crystallized into being through you...my release structured as I relinquish the past - ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I am free, a blossom opening, my rays intense as they pierce the depths. I am honored in your presence. Om Sri Shanaishwaraya Swaha.
I was very passionate and emotional yesterday and I realize I am still deep in the throes of healing. I have laid my Soul bare before my SP. I realize that my deep feelings in the morning yesterday churned up a lot of pain regarding my current situation and old karmic residue that needed release and understanding. He deserves 110% of me always; not part of me, not a shell of me, but me, whole and strong. I am still not certain whether I should have said all that I said, but I would never have dreamed it possible to trust anyone enough to share all I have shared with him. He is a blessing in my life and I say thanks daily for his presence. I strive not to be over-the-top but sometimes I feel I will burst with the feelings our connection invokes within me. I see the entire Universe in his eyes. I feel the presence of All That Is often in our communication. I felt it several times when we were together...that together we are more than "we" alone, that we are gazed upon with Starlight.
Be With Those Who Help Your Being
Be with those who help your being.
Don't sit with indifferent people, whose breath
comes cold out of their mouths.
Not these visible forms, your work is deeper.
A chunk of dirt thrown in the air breaks to pieces.
If you don't try to fly,
and so break yourself apart,
you will be broken open by death,
when it's too late for all you could become.
and makes them green.
Why are you so content with a love that turns you yellow?
Rumi - Ode 2865 Trans. Coleman Barks
Close your eyes...breathe...feel the energy relax, surround you...it is dark but peaceful. In the distance there is the sound of a waterfall, a bird's call, the gentle dance of leaves bending in the breeze...
I am there, resting in the silence. Calm and connected to Spirit, the energy of the Universe funneling through. I am there now. I am centered. Om Sri Shanaishwaraya Swaha. I dwell on the threshold with thee, O Karmic Lord, my thoughts crystallized into being through you...my release structured as I relinquish the past - ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I am free, a blossom opening, my rays intense as they pierce the depths. I am honored in your presence. Om Sri Shanaishwaraya Swaha.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I'm floating in a dream
I am floating today in a foamy oceanic world of bliss. I am hopelessly enthralled and in love in such a deep and magnificent way that I am nearly rendered speechless. Any doubt or lingering fear has faded since my karmic upheaval in Seattle and the resultant healing period I struggled through. I've never been more certain of anything in my life. He continues to amaze me and each new awareness of him burrows deep inside, invoking an intriguing mix of passion and camaraderie that can't be put into words. He astounds and pleases me with his brilliant and (truly) out-of-this-world insights. I feel his energy emerging from deeper and deeper within him, energy I felt from the first contact we had, energy that was blocked or restrained but beginning to flow so wonderfully, so powerfully, now. The more of himself he shares the deeper I fall...and I am reveling in it like Dionysus in his ecstasy.
I wasn't surprised to learn from his Michael Reading that he is a Priest - Artisan. We are so attuned and connected and I am an Artisan - Priest. This means that when we were 'sparked' we both came into being with the same permanent essence...only reversed. But from several discussions I had with Shepherd about my own chart where I was arguing that I was a Priest - Artisan (and this was before I met SP) he said that both are part of my permanent essence throughout every lifetime and so while I may feel more a Priest as my 'role' in life, neither can really be separated so I am both. In some lives I will seem to be more Priest and in other lives I will feel more Artisan. Well, in this life I feel both! lol What does that mean, or shouldn't I ask??
He is healing me...I hope that I am healing him as well. I want nothing more than to see him glowing and happy, strong within his own being, radiating all of his brilliant light and healing energy out into the world. Nowadays when lower sorts try to poison me with their whispers of fear I laugh them off because I realize they are coming from a completely different mindset. They cannot comprehend what it means to love someone unconditionally. What it means to give love and support to someone freely because it makes you feel wonderful instead of giving it wanting something back in return. To give to someone because you really - really - truly and deeply love them on a soul level. They do not know. Saturn and Neptune get such a bad reputation and for what? Because people are frightened to become. As Marianne Williamson says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
With Saturn and Neptune together, we get enlightenment. I will go into this very in-depth in my book :) Anyhow, when other people - especially other astrologers - try to tell me that I am caught in a Neptune illusion and I should be more realistic, I literally laugh it off. Their version of realism is fear and doubt. I am not fearful. I am not scared. I am very certain on a level of certainty that reaches far beyond this temporary life. Others cannot understand that I come to him freely, without expectation. Others cannot understand that I am now at a point in my own growth that I am nearing liberation. I still have security fears regarding actual survival (mainly supporting my children, not myself) but I have no fear of being on my own otherwise. This is one of the gifts SP has bestowed upon me...a complete change in perspective regarding the situation I am still working through here. My love for him made me so very aware of the hollow life I had been living. Now I come to him from a place of internal strength and pure love rather than need or expectation. I am flowing along in my bliss, ready and willing to shift current when necessary.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Fragment of Zeus, Venus, &.... Poseidon?
Ahh, yes...I did attempt to work on this poem today and as it isn't going quickly, I guess I will post it here and watch it come into being and take/change form.
A flash penetrates dark clouds,
Ram-horned Jupiter shaking down bolts,
The leaves dancing haphazardly for the Selloi
Beneath the pink June sky.
I breathe in the air - moist, hot steam -
Palms to the sky, heart pounding, skipping beats
With my feet, hips circling as I watch the waves
Pounding upon one another - Venus rising up,
Her girdle loosened, gleaming with charms
Gathered from the foam - tiny tridents, glittering shells,
Then I got distracted thinking about Epoch charts and so curious about erecting one but not really discovering the secret key to doing so in Kepler or Solar Fire. I found a new program called 'Astrofire' but I can't spend that sort of money right now...besides, I have to purchase the Human Design Program first. That will be 500 Euros and I don't know when I will have enough funds for that either.
I'm a little calmer today and have been working hard for much of the day. I've got a full schedule again this week but much of it is just my regular work other than a ritual for a client...soon I will be able to start working on getting ahead again so I can take a few months off this autumn and put 100% into my book, which many are anxiously waiting for. I have my deadline and will have to really give it my all and push myself to manifest this feat. I know I can do it but I am going to have to be strict and reduce my stress levels here. Yoga will help as will the gym. My goal it to have the book written and totally edited before I go away for Christmas...then when I get home, I have a two week window to finish it entirely and then, if all goes well, as soon as it is done and on the market I will have a break at the conference in Hawaii and relax :D Ok, the one track mind is returning so I will scoot, lol. Thinking of that gorgeous face and intriguing eyes and those delicious kisses...
A flash penetrates dark clouds,
Ram-horned Jupiter shaking down bolts,
The leaves dancing haphazardly for the Selloi
Beneath the pink June sky.
I breathe in the air - moist, hot steam -
Palms to the sky, heart pounding, skipping beats
With my feet, hips circling as I watch the waves
Pounding upon one another - Venus rising up,
Her girdle loosened, gleaming with charms
Gathered from the foam - tiny tridents, glittering shells,
Then I got distracted thinking about Epoch charts and so curious about erecting one but not really discovering the secret key to doing so in Kepler or Solar Fire. I found a new program called 'Astrofire' but I can't spend that sort of money right now...besides, I have to purchase the Human Design Program first. That will be 500 Euros and I don't know when I will have enough funds for that either.
I'm a little calmer today and have been working hard for much of the day. I've got a full schedule again this week but much of it is just my regular work other than a ritual for a client...soon I will be able to start working on getting ahead again so I can take a few months off this autumn and put 100% into my book, which many are anxiously waiting for. I have my deadline and will have to really give it my all and push myself to manifest this feat. I know I can do it but I am going to have to be strict and reduce my stress levels here. Yoga will help as will the gym. My goal it to have the book written and totally edited before I go away for Christmas...then when I get home, I have a two week window to finish it entirely and then, if all goes well, as soon as it is done and on the market I will have a break at the conference in Hawaii and relax :D Ok, the one track mind is returning so I will scoot, lol. Thinking of that gorgeous face and intriguing eyes and those delicious kisses...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
It will have blood, they say; blood will have blood...
And blood shall have blood...
I wasn't pleased with the changes I made to the blog yesterday so today - ta da - I have changed it entirely and feel happier with it.
So blood...ah...I found this paragraph on another blog earlier today: "In ancient Sumer, the key females of the royal succession were all venerated as lilies, having such names as Lili, Luluwa, Lilith, Lilutu and Lillette. Having wings and knowing the true name of God reminds me of the source of "veil" symbolism and wings on goddesses going back to the hymen of a virgin. From my post, Bee Seeing You Through the Veil: "Neith/Isis was known as the Veiled Goddess, and thus the reference on her temple inscription to 'lifting the veil' is intriguing, for Bees are often called hymenoptera, stemming from the word hymen, meaning "veil winged," representing that which concealed the holy parts of a temple, as well as the veil or hymen."
Imagine how that really made the wheels spin in my mind! I have ties to both Sumer and Egypt and I am simply fascinated how this ties into veils, hymens, and lilies. I am quite sure I have been a Sacred Prostitute as well as a Courtesan in previous incarnations. I have been called a 'Goddess' in the current life by innumerable people and I have had men tell me in the past that they've never wanted a child in their entire life until they met me, that I have something feral and fertile and earthy (lol) about me, that they want to....(insert blush)...in nicer words, impregnate me. And these are men I have never been intimate, emotionally or physically, with, but strange men online or men I have talked to very briefly (because I flee very quickly when I become sexual prey like that). It makes me wonder if these are Souls I've known before in another capacity and when they see me or talk to me, they are stirred up. Virgin used to mean an independent, unmarried state, not necessarily an intact hymen...in that sense, I am still very much a virgin.
Sexuality, to me, is sacred. I cannot understand women who sleep around randomly, flop around bars, have one-nighters, and all of that. For me, I need a deep soul connection...a sacred bond and trust. An emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical connection. When the few I talk to about my life question me as to how I can tolerate a long-distance relationship, I tell them it isn't about logic, it is about love. When someone comes into your life who you can connect with on every level, what does distance have to do with it? I can't even imagine wanting or letting another man touch me. The only explanation I have for people who worry about 'distance' or other complexities is that they have never felt as deeply as I do for him.
Back to the paragraph I took from someone else's blog. My mind started spinning and I began to think astrologically (what else is new?) that I would like to do some research and maybe an astro-blog article on Black Moon Lilith and the asteroid Isis. I am not focused enough today to do it but I think it is a great idea, tying them together and seeing how they interact and their sexual effects in the natal and perhaps synastry. I think maybe that would be a longer-term project but I could do something shorter first. I just have so much brewing deep in my mind all the time I fear I will never get 20% of it out into the world. I need to focus on Saturn-Neptune and actually schedule in set hours a week for it. I meant to go to the library this morning to work on it as I am back in the note-taking phase (I have gotten the major points and new breaking insights down already but now need to do the 'back-story' and create something readable for others to understand) but I was way too tired and slept in.
The role of the Sacred Prostitute/Priestess was amazingly important, as shown in this brief paragraph, from this site:
"The sacred marriage between priestess and king was the most solemn and numinous of all Mesopotamian religious rituals. Through this act, the fecundity and sheer life-force of the goddess was honored, released, and drawn down to vivify the land and its people. Her blessing was conferred on the earth itself and on the position of the ruling king. Without his wedding to the goddess, in the living form of her priestess, the king was not considered fit or able to rule the people. His temporal potency was inextricably linked with his physical prowess and attuned to his own instinctual sexual energies."
Inanna to her lover:
He has sprouted; he has burgeoned;
He is lettuce planted by the water.
He is the one my womb loves best.
My well-stocked garden of the plain,
My barley growing high in its furrow,
My apple tree which bears fruit up to its crown,
He is lettuce planted by the water.
My honey-man, my honey-man sweetens me always.
My lord, the honey-man of the gods,
He is the one my womb loves best.
His hand is honey, his foot is honey,
He sweetens me always.
My eager impetuous caresser of the navel,
My caresser of the soft thighs,
He is the one my womb loves best
He is lettuce planted by the water.
One of many poems I've written for my lover:
Carving Phoenix-Shadows
I am loved -
My lips fragrant with the dew of you,
Taking you in, a force uncontrolled as it moves
Between us, the bestial presence of unity,
Shadows and visions weaving soul-threads
Of heart-strings and conscious matter
Until we are gasping for one another, for release,
For pleasure, for penetration,
For surrender…
And you take me over, absorbing my essence,
Sinking into me, into your domain,
Your pasture spread out before you,
A rich landscape, a tapestry, your treasure
Laid out, urging your exploration.
In this time and space, in this sheltered cavern,
I want nothing more than to be your treasure,
Your landscape to travel upon,
Your tapestry to weave again and again
As we move together
Building bridges until we permeate the flow with our energy,
Transmuting physical boundaries, carving phoenix-shadows
With flames and tidal shores -
I am yours.
Dena L Moore
December 12, 2009
I love Shakespeare, ah, yes...I also have written many poems with blood themes. Gruesome? Macabre? I've always loved the death imagery of the Middle Ages. I used to be an avid horror reader in my teens and early twenties but as I grew older I simply grew bored with it. Blood and death should be used with meaning, not just to sell stories in a slash and kill way. I am currently (sort of) reading a book called Mistress of the Art of Death
by Ariana Franklin, which is a decent macabre fiction book. She held my interest on two connecting flights to Seattle but on the way back I ended up choosing to read the latest The Mountain Astrologer Magazine (Collective Crisis & your chart 2010 2014, February March 2010 Issue 149)
- well that's not the issue I read but that's what Amazon is giving me, lol. I have intended to finish reading the Mistress book ever since I've been home but haven't. It's hard to hold my interest with fiction, movies, or television any more. I've been like this for a number of years now. The only time I read fiction is when traveling these days and half the time not even then. Learning/knowing the craft of writing and screenwriting/film-making takes away a lot of pleasure for me as I can see how they could have made things better or I get hung up on the little things, like in a recent vampire movie (in the past 4 - 5 years) they kept having full moons like once a week and it just bothered me so much that I went to sleep instead, lol.
by Ariana Franklin, which is a decent macabre fiction book. She held my interest on two connecting flights to Seattle but on the way back I ended up choosing to read the latest The Mountain Astrologer Magazine (Collective Crisis & your chart 2010 2014, February March 2010 Issue 149) - well that's not the issue I read but that's what Amazon is giving me, lol. I have intended to finish reading the Mistress book ever since I've been home but haven't. It's hard to hold my interest with fiction, movies, or television any more. I've been like this for a number of years now. The only time I read fiction is when traveling these days and half the time not even then. Learning/knowing the craft of writing and screenwriting/film-making takes away a lot of pleasure for me as I can see how they could have made things better or I get hung up on the little things, like in a recent vampire movie (in the past 4 - 5 years) they kept having full moons like once a week and it just bothered me so much that I went to sleep instead, lol. I wasn't pleased with the changes I made to the blog yesterday so today - ta da - I have changed it entirely and feel happier with it.
So blood...ah...I found this paragraph on another blog earlier today: "In ancient Sumer, the key females of the royal succession were all venerated as lilies, having such names as Lili, Luluwa, Lilith, Lilutu and Lillette. Having wings and knowing the true name of God reminds me of the source of "veil" symbolism and wings on goddesses going back to the hymen of a virgin. From my post, Bee Seeing You Through the Veil: "Neith/Isis was known as the Veiled Goddess, and thus the reference on her temple inscription to 'lifting the veil' is intriguing, for Bees are often called hymenoptera, stemming from the word hymen, meaning "veil winged," representing that which concealed the holy parts of a temple, as well as the veil or hymen."
Imagine how that really made the wheels spin in my mind! I have ties to both Sumer and Egypt and I am simply fascinated how this ties into veils, hymens, and lilies. I am quite sure I have been a Sacred Prostitute as well as a Courtesan in previous incarnations. I have been called a 'Goddess' in the current life by innumerable people and I have had men tell me in the past that they've never wanted a child in their entire life until they met me, that I have something feral and fertile and earthy (lol) about me, that they want to....(insert blush)...in nicer words, impregnate me. And these are men I have never been intimate, emotionally or physically, with, but strange men online or men I have talked to very briefly (because I flee very quickly when I become sexual prey like that). It makes me wonder if these are Souls I've known before in another capacity and when they see me or talk to me, they are stirred up. Virgin used to mean an independent, unmarried state, not necessarily an intact hymen...in that sense, I am still very much a virgin.
Sexuality, to me, is sacred. I cannot understand women who sleep around randomly, flop around bars, have one-nighters, and all of that. For me, I need a deep soul connection...a sacred bond and trust. An emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical connection. When the few I talk to about my life question me as to how I can tolerate a long-distance relationship, I tell them it isn't about logic, it is about love. When someone comes into your life who you can connect with on every level, what does distance have to do with it? I can't even imagine wanting or letting another man touch me. The only explanation I have for people who worry about 'distance' or other complexities is that they have never felt as deeply as I do for him.
Back to the paragraph I took from someone else's blog. My mind started spinning and I began to think astrologically (what else is new?) that I would like to do some research and maybe an astro-blog article on Black Moon Lilith and the asteroid Isis. I am not focused enough today to do it but I think it is a great idea, tying them together and seeing how they interact and their sexual effects in the natal and perhaps synastry. I think maybe that would be a longer-term project but I could do something shorter first. I just have so much brewing deep in my mind all the time I fear I will never get 20% of it out into the world. I need to focus on Saturn-Neptune and actually schedule in set hours a week for it. I meant to go to the library this morning to work on it as I am back in the note-taking phase (I have gotten the major points and new breaking insights down already but now need to do the 'back-story' and create something readable for others to understand) but I was way too tired and slept in.
The role of the Sacred Prostitute/Priestess was amazingly important, as shown in this brief paragraph, from this site:
"The sacred marriage between priestess and king was the most solemn and numinous of all Mesopotamian religious rituals. Through this act, the fecundity and sheer life-force of the goddess was honored, released, and drawn down to vivify the land and its people. Her blessing was conferred on the earth itself and on the position of the ruling king. Without his wedding to the goddess, in the living form of her priestess, the king was not considered fit or able to rule the people. His temporal potency was inextricably linked with his physical prowess and attuned to his own instinctual sexual energies."
Inanna to her lover:
He has sprouted; he has burgeoned;
He is lettuce planted by the water.
He is the one my womb loves best.
My well-stocked garden of the plain,
My barley growing high in its furrow,
My apple tree which bears fruit up to its crown,
He is lettuce planted by the water.
My honey-man, my honey-man sweetens me always.
My lord, the honey-man of the gods,
He is the one my womb loves best.
His hand is honey, his foot is honey,
He sweetens me always.
My eager impetuous caresser of the navel,
My caresser of the soft thighs,
He is the one my womb loves best
He is lettuce planted by the water.
One of many poems I've written for my lover:
Carving Phoenix-Shadows
I am loved -
My lips fragrant with the dew of you,
Taking you in, a force uncontrolled as it moves
Between us, the bestial presence of unity,
Shadows and visions weaving soul-threads
Of heart-strings and conscious matter
Until we are gasping for one another, for release,
For pleasure, for penetration,
For surrender…
And you take me over, absorbing my essence,
Sinking into me, into your domain,
Your pasture spread out before you,
A rich landscape, a tapestry, your treasure
Laid out, urging your exploration.
In this time and space, in this sheltered cavern,
I want nothing more than to be your treasure,
Your landscape to travel upon,
Your tapestry to weave again and again
As we move together
Building bridges until we permeate the flow with our energy,
Transmuting physical boundaries, carving phoenix-shadows
With flames and tidal shores -
I am yours.
Dena L Moore
December 12, 2009
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Owl Medicine Summoning
I call to thee, O Great Night Eagle
Strong of wing, quick of flight,
Come to me quickly, under moonlight.
I summon thee to pierce the veil,
Sing to me clearly, the smallest detail,
Fly beyond and up into the Spirit world now
Retrieve every tiny piece my Soul will allow.
This is your mission, so dark, so profound
Back into the past, scattered around;
Fly quickly into that rotting black cell,
Then onto the tree where all ashes fell,
I send thee now, O Great Holy One,
Strong of wing, quick of flight,
Off away under the cloak of night,
When you return, come straight away,
I will be fuller, more whole by the light of day.
This is your mission; this is your song,
Sing to me clearly all night long.
Friday, May 28, 2010
In a galaxy far, far away...
there lived a beautiful maiden who was fast asleep...I wish I was she! Not that I am not beautiful, because obviously I am, but because I am not asleep, LOL. And so what if anyone reads this and thinks I'm arrogant. So what. I am exactly as I should be, a wonderful creation of the Universe. I used to think I was arrogant - but no, in order to be arrogant the words spoken or the thoughts created are not true. All I say and all I believe about myself are justifiably the truth and I accept my bad bits along with my good bits and that equals self-acceptance, self-love, and maturity. Sometimes I even like my bad bits more than my good bits and so does that make me 'evil'?? Who cares.
I am going to sleep soon but I am trying to force my body to adjust to Seattle time. Plus that big old bed is lonely. I woke up this morning and only my small portion was disturbed...I hadn't even rolled around. Made it easy for the maid, I suppose.
Oh geez oh pete...it was NOT a good idea to have all of these astrologers in one place. Holy cripes, I am hearing their damn thoughts to the point they are intruding in my mind. First a woman and now a man. I will have to try to create a better 'shield' tonight. I don't want to hear this crap when I'm trying to sleep. One going on about needing to accomplish this and that, the other going on about Leos and.... These are not conversations with someone but their actual internal thoughts. Yes, I can read minds but I generally create 'blocks' so I don't have to hear this banal garbage...but these ones are super strong or I am just super tired and defenseless.
And it is the Full Moon and I wanted to write SP a poem but am too worn out to weave my magic into form. I love him more than the Moon can love the Sun, more than Venus loves her Mars. I am amazed at how far the heart can expand. I have loved before but what I felt as love was like the wind on the cheek compared to this deep and blessed feeling of belonging. I feel his in every way and I am not threatened by that...I enjoy it. I want to be his even though the situation is more complex. It is so complex that it is simple. I love him. It's not a poem but it's my heartfelt - soulfelt - reality. Now I will try to be that beautiful maiden in another galaxy...who knows, maybe I am.
I am going to sleep soon but I am trying to force my body to adjust to Seattle time. Plus that big old bed is lonely. I woke up this morning and only my small portion was disturbed...I hadn't even rolled around. Made it easy for the maid, I suppose.
Oh geez oh pete...it was NOT a good idea to have all of these astrologers in one place. Holy cripes, I am hearing their damn thoughts to the point they are intruding in my mind. First a woman and now a man. I will have to try to create a better 'shield' tonight. I don't want to hear this crap when I'm trying to sleep. One going on about needing to accomplish this and that, the other going on about Leos and....
And it is the Full Moon and I wanted to write SP a poem but am too worn out to weave my magic into form. I love him more than the Moon can love the Sun, more than Venus loves her Mars. I am amazed at how far the heart can expand. I have loved before but what I felt as love was like the wind on the cheek compared to this deep and blessed feeling of belonging. I feel his in every way and I am not threatened by that...I enjoy it. I want to be his even though the situation is more complex. It is so complex that it is simple. I love him. It's not a poem but it's my heartfelt - soulfelt - reality. Now I will try to be that beautiful maiden in another galaxy...who knows, maybe I am.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Well...I did it...and the wheel turns
NORWAC here I come...I'm really starting to look forward to this trip after a few months of feeling sort of indifferent. I have a lovely yod going on while there and I have a feeling something is going to happen, even if it is subtle and lingering rather than a smack upside the head. I am hoping it will inspire me to get back to work on my book.
I've been daydreaming too much the past few days but maybe I need to. I've explored plane tickets and frequent flyer miles galore, played around with marketing on Amazon, added a poem to AD, and just generally messed around other than dishes, laundry, and a healing I did at 7 am. So I'm tired and my mind is up in la la land...c'est la vie!
I had to remove my Tagged profile today because although I haven't been there in like 7 months, a bunch of men were leaving very forward (even disgusting) things on my profile. I don't even know these people!! So I told Dae, sorry but it's coming down. I know she likes me to give her hearts and stuff on there but I really don't need her seeing a bunch of strange men saying things like that to me. Hell, I don't even want to see it. They need to keep their fantasies to themselves...like I'd even let them lick the dirt off my shoes.
I am in the process of releasing a few old friends who I just no longer resonate with. You'd think it would be easy but it isn't for me. I just feel I need to move forward and these people have very little in common with me. I need to be with people who are positive and spiritual, not materialistic and self-centered. I need dynamic interchange not boring bullshit. One must sh*t or get off the damn pot. Listening to people sitting around moaning and complaining while doing nothing to change their life bores the living hell out of me and I'm going to have to let those types go. I can't spend my entire life counseling these people for free...sadly it's taken me many years to figure out that's exactly what I've been doing! Nothing but blood-sucking drains and I need my energy to do what I need to do.
I spent many hours yesterday redesigning the poetry site...I still have to do all the inner pages but they can wait for the moment. I thought it'd take me an hour or so...nope, 5+!!! I'm delusional or illusional or just crazy...but I think it looks good and will help support the books. I will have to start a new promotion site once I get the new book done. I expect this book will sell, lol.
I thought the Wheel card from the Tarot is a wonderful archetypal energy to focus on today as we approach the Jupiter-Saturn opposition. The Wheel is in the process of turning and I'm so excited...so many are fearful and worrying about the 'end of the world' and what will happen but if they would all just start waking up a bit quicker on their own our Mother Earth won't have to keep forcing them to through catastrophes. I hear from those who are aware talking about running off and hiding out and I admit, I have thought that way a number of times myself. But if we do that, what will happen? Isn't it OUR responsibility to lead and guide the blind forward into our new way of being? Aren't we the 'gatekeepers' and lightworkers? Or 'Keeper of the Keys' as I am. Aren't we the ones who have the ability to help the others progress? This realization has empowered me...I have always been at my very best during crises and if I try to escape and avoid my responsibilites, shame on me. Shame on all of us who can help and are being fearful and thinking about just our own private lives. Perhaps this is why I am studying so intensely this year. Maybe the Mtn Astrologer doesn't want my Pallas article because it could start a controversy? Or maybe the editors didn't understand it and I didn't elaborate enough (which I did wonder about). Maybe they are scared of becoming androgynous...who knows. LOL But I am very androgynous and yet still very much a woman. I am androgynous in my nature, not my physical expression. It's nothing to be scared of but I can see how it could create fear for those resonating on a lower level. When we are out of body we have no sexual orientation at all. I used to prefer being out of body but after 36+ years here I finally have accepted that I am in a 'temple' and I need to treat it as sacred instead of a trap. It's been a struggle and it continues on...Neptune in the 2nd house is the culprit, perhaps, in square to my nodal axis. (But I am still here - do you hear me?? Still here, still in body. I know why now but damn, shouldn't you be more gentle with such a young child???? We will have a discussion about this at some point in the future and the entire 'board' will be there, by God/dess)
I know that people who stumble upon these sorts of my rambles will think I'm crazy with some of the things I say but I don't give a rat's ass. I'm probably one of the least crazy of us here...or maybe I should say awake. That's nicer and more Libra-like.
That makes me remember that yet another astrologer thought I was a Libra. I wonder if there will ever be an astrologer who can guess my Sun sign. It's always Libra or Scorpio. Nope, nope, nope.
So I digress. It's sad that I have to talk to myself but yet, there's nothing wrong with it. Beats trying to talk to a bunch of boring crybabies.
Let's hear it for a poem:
The Wheel
Through winter-time we call on spring,
And through the spring on summer call,
And when abounding hedges ring
Declare that winter's best of all;
And after that there's nothing good
Because the spring-time has not come --
Nor know that what disturbs our blood
Is but its longing for the tomb.
William Butler Yeats
I've been daydreaming too much the past few days but maybe I need to. I've explored plane tickets and frequent flyer miles galore, played around with marketing on Amazon, added a poem to AD, and just generally messed around other than dishes, laundry, and a healing I did at 7 am. So I'm tired and my mind is up in la la land...c'est la vie!
I had to remove my Tagged profile today because although I haven't been there in like 7 months, a bunch of men were leaving very forward (even disgusting) things on my profile. I don't even know these people!! So I told Dae, sorry but it's coming down. I know she likes me to give her hearts and stuff on there but I really don't need her seeing a bunch of strange men saying things like that to me. Hell, I don't even want to see it. They need to keep their fantasies to themselves...like I'd even let them lick the dirt off my shoes.
I am in the process of releasing a few old friends who I just no longer resonate with. You'd think it would be easy but it isn't for me. I just feel I need to move forward and these people have very little in common with me. I need to be with people who are positive and spiritual, not materialistic and self-centered. I need dynamic interchange not boring bullshit. One must sh*t or get off the damn pot. Listening to people sitting around moaning and complaining while doing nothing to change their life bores the living hell out of me and I'm going to have to let those types go. I can't spend my entire life counseling these people for free...sadly it's taken me many years to figure out that's exactly what I've been doing! Nothing but blood-sucking drains and I need my energy to do what I need to do.
I spent many hours yesterday redesigning the poetry site...I still have to do all the inner pages but they can wait for the moment. I thought it'd take me an hour or so...nope, 5+!!! I'm delusional or illusional or just crazy...but I think it looks good and will help support the books. I will have to start a new promotion site once I get the new book done. I expect this book will sell, lol.
I thought the Wheel card from the Tarot is a wonderful archetypal energy to focus on today as we approach the Jupiter-Saturn opposition. The Wheel is in the process of turning and I'm so excited...so many are fearful and worrying about the 'end of the world' and what will happen but if they would all just start waking up a bit quicker on their own our Mother Earth won't have to keep forcing them to through catastrophes. I hear from those who are aware talking about running off and hiding out and I admit, I have thought that way a number of times myself. But if we do that, what will happen? Isn't it OUR responsibility to lead and guide the blind forward into our new way of being? Aren't we the 'gatekeepers' and lightworkers? Or 'Keeper of the Keys' as I am. Aren't we the ones who have the ability to help the others progress? This realization has empowered me...I have always been at my very best during crises and if I try to escape and avoid my responsibilites, shame on me. Shame on all of us who can help and are being fearful and thinking about just our own private lives. Perhaps this is why I am studying so intensely this year. Maybe the Mtn Astrologer doesn't want my Pallas article because it could start a controversy? Or maybe the editors didn't understand it and I didn't elaborate enough (which I did wonder about). Maybe they are scared of becoming androgynous...who knows. LOL But I am very androgynous and yet still very much a woman. I am androgynous in my nature, not my physical expression. It's nothing to be scared of but I can see how it could create fear for those resonating on a lower level. When we are out of body we have no sexual orientation at all. I used to prefer being out of body but after 36+ years here I finally have accepted that I am in a 'temple' and I need to treat it as sacred instead of a trap. It's been a struggle and it continues on...Neptune in the 2nd house is the culprit, perhaps, in square to my nodal axis. (But I am still here - do you hear me?? Still here, still in body. I know why now but damn, shouldn't you be more gentle with such a young child???? We will have a discussion about this at some point in the future and the entire 'board' will be there, by God/dess)
I know that people who stumble upon these sorts of my rambles will think I'm crazy with some of the things I say but I don't give a rat's ass. I'm probably one of the least crazy of us here...or maybe I should say awake. That's nicer and more Libra-like.
That makes me remember that yet another astrologer thought I was a Libra. I wonder if there will ever be an astrologer who can guess my Sun sign. It's always Libra or Scorpio. Nope, nope, nope.
So I digress. It's sad that I have to talk to myself but yet, there's nothing wrong with it. Beats trying to talk to a bunch of boring crybabies.
Let's hear it for a poem:
The Wheel
Through winter-time we call on spring,
And through the spring on summer call,
And when abounding hedges ring
Declare that winter's best of all;
And after that there's nothing good
Because the spring-time has not come --
Nor know that what disturbs our blood
Is but its longing for the tomb.
William Butler Yeats
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The path of its departure still is free
Ahh, Shelley...is it always turbulence for us romantics? I suppose we create our own realities through our thought forms and dreams but sometimes no matter how positive and certain we are, we are smacked in the face and left to drown.
So we share Saturn-Neptune and a reversed nodal axis (by sign), as well as our controversial mind-sets and depth of emotion that arises through painful experience.
I have a lot I want to say but am unable to get it out. At least I am used to rejection and denial so although death by sea sounds almost fantastic at the moment, I carry on. Neptune's presence is felt.
Mutability
We are the clouds that veil the midnight moon;
How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver,
Streaking the darkness radiantly!--yet soon
Night closes round, and they are lost forever:
Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings
Give various response to each varying blast,
To whose frail frame no second motion brings
One mood or modulation like the last.
We rest.--A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise.--One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond foe, or cast our cares away.
It is the same!--For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
I bow to your mastery, your vision, and grace.
So we share Saturn-Neptune and a reversed nodal axis (by sign), as well as our controversial mind-sets and depth of emotion that arises through painful experience.
I have a lot I want to say but am unable to get it out. At least I am used to rejection and denial so although death by sea sounds almost fantastic at the moment, I carry on. Neptune's presence is felt.
Mutability
We are the clouds that veil the midnight moon;
How restlessly they speed, and gleam, and quiver,
Streaking the darkness radiantly!--yet soon
Night closes round, and they are lost forever:
Or like forgotten lyres, whose dissonant strings
Give various response to each varying blast,
To whose frail frame no second motion brings
One mood or modulation like the last.
We rest.--A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise.--One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond foe, or cast our cares away.
It is the same!--For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free:
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability.
Percy Bysshe Shelley
I bow to your mastery, your vision, and grace.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
K'un - Ta Yuo...to be blessed, to be a blessing
I am a radiant being and as such, I am a bountiful and blessed channel as I recognize, however humbly, that I am to serve and to serve joyfully...perhaps in a different way than I am currently, but all will reveal itself as life unfolds. I have talked about my ego several times over the past few months and am afraid that the very word 'ego' has a negative connotation and has been misunderstood by others at times in the past. Without an ego we are rudderless in navigating our own lives. As Maurice Fernandez says in his book "Neptune": Love originates through EGO. Only through ego can one identify emotionally with anything. He also states: "Ego is the vessel of personal consciousness through which evolution proceeds."
Thus, without an ego, we cannot understand what it is to love; nor can we actively participate in our own lives or in the process of evolution of our species. To have an ego is not negative. To have an ego is to be able to love, to understand love, and to give love generously to others. I have a defined heart center; I have an ego. I can give and give and give love. This ability is not always appreciated, respected, or understood. Perhaps I have not always understood or respected it enough myself, as I have had to mature and grow just like the rest of us (well, for those of us who do! Sadly, it isn't a very high percentage). Now, however, as I go deeper into studying the I-Ching and the Tao Te Ching as I learn the Human Design, I find myself making progress at a rapid pace. This is also, due in part, to the blessings freely given to me by my spiritual friends, particularly Dean who has been like an Angel to me recently during an extremely difficult passage and Paulo who inspires me every weekend with poetry, photography, music, and words of the Masters right when I need to feel the comfort of the Universe wrapped about me so I do not fall into negativity. Without their kindness, connection, and giving, I would be (or would have been, in the past) unable to shoulder the burden of weekly separation from my SP, a separation I have yet to fathom. I have decided to no longer focus or think deeply on it. It is what it is.
I am feeling calmer than ever, with Chiron opposing my Mars and Neptune trine my Venus and square to him/her self. Calm despite the winds blowing around me. Calm despite the unsettled sea. Calm in the face of adversity and the deep echoes. I am loved and I am loving. I am learning and I am growing. I am happy thus. Throughout life I have been pulled and pushed, overwhelmed, pressured, clung too, worn down and worn out, overpowered, and walked upon...now I wish to lead a natural and peaceful life without all of the ups and downs, dramas and traumas, and emotional tragedy and pain. I want to release any anger and pain that still resides within. I want to feel at one in my peaceful state; to maintain the love that flows through me and share it with those who appreciate the deeper ways of being despite any hardship or sorrow. I am like a mountain being transformed and reshaped as the river rushes up against me.
I am tired now but I am feeling at peace.
Thus, without an ego, we cannot understand what it is to love; nor can we actively participate in our own lives or in the process of evolution of our species. To have an ego is not negative. To have an ego is to be able to love, to understand love, and to give love generously to others. I have a defined heart center; I have an ego. I can give and give and give love. This ability is not always appreciated, respected, or understood. Perhaps I have not always understood or respected it enough myself, as I have had to mature and grow just like the rest of us (well, for those of us who do! Sadly, it isn't a very high percentage). Now, however, as I go deeper into studying the I-Ching and the Tao Te Ching as I learn the Human Design, I find myself making progress at a rapid pace. This is also, due in part, to the blessings freely given to me by my spiritual friends, particularly Dean who has been like an Angel to me recently during an extremely difficult passage and Paulo who inspires me every weekend with poetry, photography, music, and words of the Masters right when I need to feel the comfort of the Universe wrapped about me so I do not fall into negativity. Without their kindness, connection, and giving, I would be (or would have been, in the past) unable to shoulder the burden of weekly separation from my SP, a separation I have yet to fathom. I have decided to no longer focus or think deeply on it. It is what it is.
I am feeling calmer than ever, with Chiron opposing my Mars and Neptune trine my Venus and square to him/her self. Calm despite the winds blowing around me. Calm despite the unsettled sea. Calm in the face of adversity and the deep echoes. I am loved and I am loving. I am learning and I am growing. I am happy thus. Throughout life I have been pulled and pushed, overwhelmed, pressured, clung too, worn down and worn out, overpowered, and walked upon...now I wish to lead a natural and peaceful life without all of the ups and downs, dramas and traumas, and emotional tragedy and pain. I want to release any anger and pain that still resides within. I want to feel at one in my peaceful state; to maintain the love that flows through me and share it with those who appreciate the deeper ways of being despite any hardship or sorrow. I am like a mountain being transformed and reshaped as the river rushes up against me.
I am tired now but I am feeling at peace.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Perched upon a jutting stone...
Ahhh...here I am. Although I have been writing and writing and writing I haven't written much poetry or had too much of an urge to honor this blog with a ramble. Actually I have written a few poems over the past week or so but am thus far keeping them to myself :) I do that sometimes!
The title of this blog, "Perched upon a jutting stone" is an ancient iambic fragment belonging to Archilochus, who lived from 687 - 652 BC. I have been deep in study mode and my studies range from very in-depth, psychological astrology stuff to ancient poetry to the Human design. It's amazing how much I've been able to accomplish, but now I am feeling a bit drained and need to relax more. Allow all I've been learning to integrate and sink in deeper. I chose the title for this blog because that is how I am feeling today, like I am perched upon a jutting stone, daydreaming, perhaps looking out over the sea...allowing myself to move with the waves as they wash around me. I also like the sexual connotation of a 'jutting' stone, and how it can be read in various ways. I like his work, most of which comes to us now in fragments. Here are a few that intrigue me:
"Such desire for love, coiled at my heart,
shed a thick mist over my eyes,
stealing the tender senses from my breast."
and another:
"Wracked with desire I lie,
lifeless, pierced through the bone
by the crushing pains of the gods."
I will take that into myself...oh, how I know that feeling so well. Pierced and unsettled, crushed and yet alive. Needing more but forced to accept what is available in the present.
The title of this blog, "Perched upon a jutting stone" is an ancient iambic fragment belonging to Archilochus, who lived from 687 - 652 BC. I have been deep in study mode and my studies range from very in-depth, psychological astrology stuff to ancient poetry to the Human design. It's amazing how much I've been able to accomplish, but now I am feeling a bit drained and need to relax more. Allow all I've been learning to integrate and sink in deeper. I chose the title for this blog because that is how I am feeling today, like I am perched upon a jutting stone, daydreaming, perhaps looking out over the sea...allowing myself to move with the waves as they wash around me. I also like the sexual connotation of a 'jutting' stone, and how it can be read in various ways. I like his work, most of which comes to us now in fragments. Here are a few that intrigue me:
"Such desire for love, coiled at my heart,
shed a thick mist over my eyes,
stealing the tender senses from my breast."
and another:
"Wracked with desire I lie,
lifeless, pierced through the bone
by the crushing pains of the gods."
I will take that into myself...oh, how I know that feeling so well. Pierced and unsettled, crushed and yet alive. Needing more but forced to accept what is available in the present.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Quiet and Contemplative
It's been a relatively quiet weekend and I've been deep in thought for much of it. I haven't accomplished much work that I intended but my Soul needs some down time and pleasure. So I've been reading and thinking on spiritual topics and reading about sexuality...I suppose my mind is a bit lost in all that I am dreaming of but if I dream it, I can manifest it - if the time is right.
So I had an epiphany last night regarding my Saturn-Neptune book and why I am now finally ready to write it...when the idea originally sprang forth (years ago!) I had much less experience - personally and professionally - and much of the experience I had at that point was negative (at least with synastry, both with myself and my clients) and I needed to have this recent insight that would deepen the book exponentially. It is so simple and so obvious now but yet I never thought of it in such a way before. I can see how patience can pay off in the long run...if I had pushed myself in the past I would have produced an inferior project to the one I will be able to present now. I have such a great feeling about it and feel quite confident.
I was reading a bit about Eros and then daydreamed for a while about the tour D George is giving in Egypt in October. I would so love to go on that trip. I can only hope it will be offered again in the future. The one to South America and to Greece also pulls me strongly. I am so restless with Uranus opposing my Mercury/Pluto and my sexual energy is so fierce with Pluto sextile my Moon...Venus is opposing my Sun today and T Sun is on my NN and here I am, alone. No company. No love forthcoming. No conversations. No gifts or attention. But this is ok, I have my books and my dreams. I have a 'voice' and this is a recurring thought over the past 24 hours. Voice. Silence. Voice. I am a Lover and have the voice to give and share Love. I am a very sexual creature but am able to channel this energy into creative works...most of the time. It is interesting how potent Saturn in the 12th is for me. It would be easy for me to say I am lonely but in a sense I am not. I am calm and centered in the moment. I accept that I have to let things unfold and participate more as an observer now. So my focus turns to my projects and professional aspirations.
I think of my deep sensuality, my love of eros within all things, and the realization I have had concerning what sets me apart from others and contributes to that reoccurring sense of being 'apart' from people while quite deep in the Universal flow. My Saturn-Neptune as a spiritual bridge. My rich Venus in Libra and her love of the intellect, posh settings, and ancient history...the sensuality within architecture and the gardens of the Earth. The aspects of life and living that I value are no longer valued by society (for the most part). The glass and steel buildings replacing the stone and brick...the lack of beauty and refinement. The sense of quality over quantity. The importance of ritual and rhythm. The deep connection and responsibility to nuture and express our own sensuality. Everyday life in such environment and the mind-set of the nation (and beyond) to rape and take advantage to make a profit is depressing. My poetry that so few care to understand or are not educated enough to do so. The sensuality underlying most things I do...it attracts others because it is so unusual...yet this is how life should be. All of us should enjoy and express sensuality - eros - as so integrated into our life, environment, and being that I would not be 'apart'. So I lead by example, I suppose, and this is part of my ability to help others awaken.
Seattle is calling to me again. I am not sure what I will find there but there is something nudging me to get there. I will return to this thought at some later point, perhaps after I discover what the something is. LOL
So I had an epiphany last night regarding my Saturn-Neptune book and why I am now finally ready to write it...when the idea originally sprang forth (years ago!) I had much less experience - personally and professionally - and much of the experience I had at that point was negative (at least with synastry, both with myself and my clients) and I needed to have this recent insight that would deepen the book exponentially. It is so simple and so obvious now but yet I never thought of it in such a way before. I can see how patience can pay off in the long run...if I had pushed myself in the past I would have produced an inferior project to the one I will be able to present now. I have such a great feeling about it and feel quite confident.
I was reading a bit about Eros and then daydreamed for a while about the tour D George is giving in Egypt in October. I would so love to go on that trip. I can only hope it will be offered again in the future. The one to South America and to Greece also pulls me strongly. I am so restless with Uranus opposing my Mercury/Pluto and my sexual energy is so fierce with Pluto sextile my Moon...Venus is opposing my Sun today and T Sun is on my NN and here I am, alone. No company. No love forthcoming. No conversations. No gifts or attention. But this is ok, I have my books and my dreams. I have a 'voice' and this is a recurring thought over the past 24 hours. Voice. Silence. Voice. I am a Lover and have the voice to give and share Love. I am a very sexual creature but am able to channel this energy into creative works...most of the time. It is interesting how potent Saturn in the 12th is for me. It would be easy for me to say I am lonely but in a sense I am not. I am calm and centered in the moment. I accept that I have to let things unfold and participate more as an observer now. So my focus turns to my projects and professional aspirations.
I think of my deep sensuality, my love of eros within all things, and the realization I have had concerning what sets me apart from others and contributes to that reoccurring sense of being 'apart' from people while quite deep in the Universal flow. My Saturn-Neptune as a spiritual bridge. My rich Venus in Libra and her love of the intellect, posh settings, and ancient history...the sensuality within architecture and the gardens of the Earth. The aspects of life and living that I value are no longer valued by society (for the most part). The glass and steel buildings replacing the stone and brick...the lack of beauty and refinement. The sense of quality over quantity. The importance of ritual and rhythm. The deep connection and responsibility to nuture and express our own sensuality. Everyday life in such environment and the mind-set of the nation (and beyond) to rape and take advantage to make a profit is depressing. My poetry that so few care to understand or are not educated enough to do so. The sensuality underlying most things I do...it attracts others because it is so unusual...yet this is how life should be. All of us should enjoy and express sensuality - eros - as so integrated into our life, environment, and being that I would not be 'apart'. So I lead by example, I suppose, and this is part of my ability to help others awaken.
Seattle is calling to me again. I am not sure what I will find there but there is something nudging me to get there. I will return to this thought at some later point, perhaps after I discover what the something is. LOL
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I'm in a great mood...
Wow, not sure why but I am feeling wonderful today...it could be the quiet and privacy! Everyone is gone but me...what a miracle! So I am just expressing my joy for half a moment before I get to work on my karmic reading. I feel just great! I hope my SP wakes up happy too :D
Monday, February 8, 2010
I am in a dark - oh, so very dark - mood...
I am in a dark - oh, so very dark - mood. I want to be ridden...driven...impaled...taken over the edge and ripped apart. A nice cemetery would do...or a misty forest...maybe a dungeon. I just want some release...to be released...to be swallowed whole and transformed. It's like being driven beyond despair and in need of physical expression to be back inside myself and fully alive. Nothing I say here now could possibly explain this...my mind is full of images and words as well as feelings and a potent, trembling brew of pure fury. As I cannot describe this further, I will indulge myself graphically.
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