Each breath I take has the potential...

I am in the process of becoming...each breath I take has the potential to bring a new perspective...every time I exhale I am connected with all that is. I have reached a crossroad in my growth, a point where I can see the land unfolding before me in the distance, undulating and beautiful, like cherry blossoms in the spring or the sweet laughter of a child at play. This is the path I wish to take, to tread lightly upon yet remain grounded in form. It is not that I haven't been on path up until now because certainly I have, although I have chosen a very rocky and unsteady road to travel upon...but if I continue upon this road it will only become steeper and more dangerous. I am sure many of you have seen road signs in a mountainous area that says "Watch for falling rocks." Well, I have no desire to be one of those rocks crashing unceremoniously.

My main obstacle now - which I have been aware of for several years - is basically my health. Without that, we have nothing. And I have struggled with several health issues that I know, without a doubt, can be healed through diet. I have experience with implementing dietary interventions for both myself and my son but I tend to fall off the boat when stress becomes too much. When the bank account is empty and little is flowing to me, it becomes a major struggle because, let's face it, it is much cheaper to eat fast food or carbohydrates than it is to nourish ourselves with organic fruits and vegetables and free-range or grass-fed meats. Modern food is addictive and the dietary guidelines provided, at least here in the US, are ridiculously misleading. I know what I need to do diet-wise to heal myself and to become the healthy, glowing individual I wish to be...I see the potential but have yet to develop a smooth-flowing source of income that would support these changes. I love my work and am developing several new things but these things take time.

Once I heal myself physically I know I will move more toward healing others physically. I see a wide open gap that I can help fill and once I complete my studies - both bookwise, in the field, and with my Self healing - I will be a very valuable source for others. I feel myself moving further and further away from working with relationships but it tends to go in a spiral sort of cycle. It no longer holds the fascination or the challenge it once did. When I'm bored, I must move on...only the karma and soul growth aspects of the work are interesting now.

Please send me a few new Soul paths or Karmic Synastry readings soon!

I've been told it takes courage to write about my personal challenges and life in my blogs but I don't know...I feel that I connect more powerfully to the Universe and to the web of life through sharing myself with the world in this context. I have little need to prove myself to others or indeed, to hide myself from others. I feel that by genuinely expressing my own being that it helps others realize that they too can be who they are without fear. The trouble with the world is that most care way too much what others think of them...and people criticize and judge others harshly usually because they are projecting part of themself outward on the other. The one who irritates you the most is the one who is expressing a characteristic that is also your own, only demonized or kept as a shadow by one's personality/ego. What we do not understand, we have a tendency to fear...this is why so many have feared me, because they do not understand me. I do not fit in with the general population, the societal mindframe, or the expectations of others. This has caused me great grief at times in my life where others have attacked me or tried to change me. I have been critical of others in the past and I have worked long and hard with this lesson myself. It was very difficult when I was younger to not fear those who do not resonate with me - certainly any young child or teenager or even young adult would fear those who feared them and threatened them! So while they were attacking me, I in turn would critcize them either openly (rarely) or within my own being. I did not understand that it was I who was the threat to them! I felt I was being unfairly ostracized but while this may break others and cause them to become what others want them to be in order to lessen the pain, it did not break me because I am very pig-headed and very rebellious. The more others wanted to break me, the more fearful I truly became as I became a negative source of power. In retrospect I can clearly see now where I created my own obstacles and erected my own fortress around my heart and being. Yet I do not blame myself for what was, nor do I harbor any regrets for the struggles have created who I am today. I can truly and clearly say that I love myself. I love my eccentricities and the flukes in my personality, things that give me much to smile about and work on or bridge. Now that I understand why others do the things they do I am much less critical of their failings. It helps to keep in mind "let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

I have been distracted by a phone call from the school and am now feeling quiet...so let me share a poem with you instead:

The Happiest Day, The Happiest Hour

The happiest day- the happiest hour
My sear'd and blighted heart hath known,
The highest hope of pride and power,
I feel hath flown.

Of power! said I? yes! such I ween;
But they have vanish'd long, alas!
The visions of my youth have been-
But let them pass.

And, pride, what have I now with thee?
Another brow may even inherit
The venom thou hast pour'd on me
Be still, my spirit!

The happiest day- the happiest hour
Mine eyes shall see- have ever seen,
The brightest glance of pride and power,
I feel- have been:

But were that hope of pride and power
Now offer'd with the pain
Even then I felt- that brightest hour
I would not live again:

For on its wing was dark alloy,
And, as it flutter'd- fell
An essence- powerful to destroy
A soul that knew it well.

Edgar Allan Poe