Hikiwawe ka 'ike...pā makani, e lele iki ana! Alana pāka'uwili. I understand the depth of what I am seeing and feeling...the connection. And now out of the blue, I am communicating with some new person who has had a LEGITIMATE Metatron experience (so rare, I'm impressed) and somehow I've made a new connection I never made before. Venusian Metatron. Cherokee-Hawaiian. Tribal essence, tribal genetics...the spiral buried in our blood and the snake-energy, the rainbow.
So many are awakening and I need to learn more patience with them. They have so many questions about things that are, to me, so obvious and have been since I was very young. Once I remove myself more from the concrete jungle and the schedules of the rat race which are forced upon me, I may find a clear-view to sustain myself and those I am 'teaching.' 90% of the 'work' is unpaid and hidden, yet the gratification outshines any paycheck.
I feel so calm and centered when I pull back away from those I now call the 'negatives.' As I lift my vibration, those I choose to relate with will also be lifted.
This is fantastic...the absolute truth, posted by some anonymous user on a board:
"Duality indicates the mental plane of consciousness and you are experiencing the collective human mind. What you are seeing is that the collective mind is truly psychotic - twisted, perverted, sado-masochistic, paranoid - schizophrenic and psychopathic in the truest sense of the word.
As long as you look to the collective insanity (its experts, philosophies, gurus and religions) for your answers, you'll get what you've got.
The real universe is not split and fragmented and truly works from harmonious balance i.e. love, truth, beauty, etc. You can not get there holding hands with the "we."
Use your heart chakra and third eye to commune with the universe and you will be able to walk out of the prison of the mind (the realm of the megalo-maniacal satanic god of illusions) and into a field of infinite intelligence and love.
It is no more complicated than that."
God/dess, it is so PERFECT a statement. Divine insight.
And from a book I'm reading, called "The Secrets and Mysteries of Hawaii"
"In this world of chaotic change people are clearly divided into two camps. There are those of us who have become more fear-based and are with-drawing, retreating from life. They are the serious people who call themselves 'practical' by never going forward and by hedging all their bets with extra insurance. Their dreams are based only upon security. Their goals become more and more oriented towards relief from the drudgery of life.
Then there are those who have decided to get on with the joy that life can be. At every age they are realizing that we are entering into a new dimension of exploration. Resistance and competition for them are being exchanged for an all-out embrace of life. For these people of all ages, the magic has begun to pour back into their lives. Insurmountable problems dissolve. From health issues to their pocketbooks, things simply begin to work themselves out. What is their secret weapon against a world of chaos and confusion? It all has to do with attitude."
I want to experience as much joy as possible and I want to impart that sense of optimism and joy to help lift the vibration of those who are struggling to awaken. I lose my sense of pure Spirit when I am surrounded by the negative collective... I no longer view my move to Hawaii as an escape, but rather as a joyous adventure, one in which I can experience the Universe as it truly is, outside of the dualistic, warring nature of the collective. I will find my center and within my center I will experience bliss and be welcomed home.
I am the FOOL, in all Divine wisdom.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Friday, March 4, 2011
25 degrees Scorpio: An X-ray Photograph
Ok...so he is a hell-raiser and has trouble with the bottle, but I still can't take my eyes off the Irish eye candy. It's not like I have to deal with him in real life, so no worries. LOL I can just enjoy the visuals. I especially like these two I found tonight.
An interesting chart to contemplate more in the future:
Not sure if this means I am wrong...I'm still working on the issue in my head and trying to read it all in the context of my life, what I know about myself, and what I suspect regarding my soul's intent. I do have Aquarius prenatal moon. I wish I had someone to chat with about it all but alas, I'm left to my own devices...besides, maybe it is best to work through it on my own.
25 degrees Scorpio: An X-ray Photograph
UNSTINKINGBELIEVABLE
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Water, Lava, Sunsets, Black Sand and those delicious kisses
And wow, how delicious his kisses are. I could kiss him all day if he allowed it...it is difficult being so far apart again but I have to bear it. I really had such a great time in Hawaii and loved how he took to driving here so easily...he is impressive in so many ways and for me to say that is - how should I say - unusual...because generally I am very difficult to impress. He is amazing and yes, I say it a lot but only because it is true and because I am amazed that he exists. I am never bored with him; he stirs me in so many ways mentally, spiritually, and physically. Physically...I dare not think in that direction as he is so far away. Oh...
Monday, December 20, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Lord Saturn...I wish you'd swallow me whole
...For Saturn in the 8th house carries deeper emotional scars than any other Saturnian placement, and the wounds are slower to heal.
The emotional isolation with an 8th house Saturn is even more acute than with a 4th house Saturn for the emotional needs are far more intense and directed toward individuals. It is union rather than security which is sought and union of a particularly intense and transforming kind....There is often a fascination with all things occult or, at the very least, an interest in the depths of the mind, and it is in utilising this interest and in learning the real nature of the energies of creation that the individual becomes a magician. The secrets of the powers of the unconscious are his, and these are literally life-giving powers for the healing of himself and others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I could not have said it better myself. I feel extremely emotionally isolated at the moment, but what else is new? This is how it is.
The emotional isolation with an 8th house Saturn is even more acute than with a 4th house Saturn for the emotional needs are far more intense and directed toward individuals. It is union rather than security which is sought and union of a particularly intense and transforming kind....There is often a fascination with all things occult or, at the very least, an interest in the depths of the mind, and it is in utilising this interest and in learning the real nature of the energies of creation that the individual becomes a magician. The secrets of the powers of the unconscious are his, and these are literally life-giving powers for the healing of himself and others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I could not have said it better myself. I feel extremely emotionally isolated at the moment, but what else is new? This is how it is.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Desire
Desire
Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates the language of the heart.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Ahh...Eros in his burning form - the desire to become...to unite...to move beyond and into a higher form. It is one of those days when I am feeling the distance. I don't much feel like talking but I need to feel his presence around me. I desire him, to be with him, to relax together and rest in the quiet. I have no interest in other men. This is something others cannot understand when they are telling me I'm out of my mind...to me it is obvious that those who think distance prevents love shows that they have never truly loved...they do not understand that it knows no boundaries and to fully open to it, that we must surrender. Trying to control it leaves it stagnant and dead because it cannot be controlled...Eros fuels Love. I just read an entire book on this topic and my favorite quote was: "Eros is the transformative force of life, love is the unifying force, and sexuality is the creative force." That's it in a nutshell, isn't it? Then "Eros bridges the gap between sexuality and love, it spans the chasm between two people...it softens and frees the flow of emotion."
Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;
It is the reflex of our earthly frame,
That takes its meaning from the nobler part,
And but translates the language of the heart.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Ahh...Eros in his burning form - the desire to become...to unite...to move beyond and into a higher form. It is one of those days when I am feeling the distance. I don't much feel like talking but I need to feel his presence around me. I desire him, to be with him, to relax together and rest in the quiet. I have no interest in other men. This is something others cannot understand when they are telling me I'm out of my mind...to me it is obvious that those who think distance prevents love shows that they have never truly loved...they do not understand that it knows no boundaries and to fully open to it, that we must surrender. Trying to control it leaves it stagnant and dead because it cannot be controlled...Eros fuels Love. I just read an entire book on this topic and my favorite quote was: "Eros is the transformative force of life, love is the unifying force, and sexuality is the creative force." That's it in a nutshell, isn't it? Then "Eros bridges the gap between sexuality and love, it spans the chasm between two people...it softens and frees the flow of emotion."
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Thanks and blessings
I want to give thanks tonight for the blessings in my life. No matter how difficult life gets, no matter how complicated, and despite external complications and occasional disappointments, I remain hopeful and look to the future, knowing that while I've had a lot of hard knocks, I have learned from everything and am becoming more and more defined and refined.
I think of everyone who has touched my life in some way, who have helped me or challenged me, lifted me up or dragged me through the dirt, and I give thanks for all experiences and forgiveness (as best I can). Some things are very difficult to forgive, but I feel that I can forgive even the most difficult. I may never understand why they've done things they've done and I will never condone it, but the difficulties have created 'me' just as much - maybe more so - than the good and easy things.
I feel that SP has touched me at the deepest levels and has helped me through some of the most difficult and trying emotional healing times. I give thanks for his presence in my life and his existence in this world at this time. Across the vast expanse of the ocean, on the other side of the world, across lifetimes...still we have connected and continue to connect and reconnect. I love him more than anyone could imagine and it no longer frightens me. I try to remind myself during the difficult days and moments when I feel our distance too deeply that it was a miracle we connected and that there is and has always been a higher purpose for our relationship, beyond personal love and gratification. Would I do it again? Absolutely. And again and again. Sometimes it is difficult and sometimes I get emotional but I can't imagine what life would be like now if we had never met...and I don't want to imagine it! Ever. I give thanks for my SP and I ask that his goals be met and supported by the Universe (if they are in his Soul's best interest). Please help him to gain the recognition he desires and the strength to make his future all that he wishes it to be.
I give thanks for my children, in their strengths and weaknesses. I ask to be supported in my desire to help make their dreams come true and in my ability to earn more money so that I can support them fully on my own, and not just support them at the bare minimum but healthily. May they always know that I love them and trust that I do my very best to give them the security and love they need and deserve.
I think of everyone who has touched my life in some way, who have helped me or challenged me, lifted me up or dragged me through the dirt, and I give thanks for all experiences and forgiveness (as best I can). Some things are very difficult to forgive, but I feel that I can forgive even the most difficult. I may never understand why they've done things they've done and I will never condone it, but the difficulties have created 'me' just as much - maybe more so - than the good and easy things.
I feel that SP has touched me at the deepest levels and has helped me through some of the most difficult and trying emotional healing times. I give thanks for his presence in my life and his existence in this world at this time. Across the vast expanse of the ocean, on the other side of the world, across lifetimes...still we have connected and continue to connect and reconnect. I love him more than anyone could imagine and it no longer frightens me. I try to remind myself during the difficult days and moments when I feel our distance too deeply that it was a miracle we connected and that there is and has always been a higher purpose for our relationship, beyond personal love and gratification. Would I do it again? Absolutely. And again and again. Sometimes it is difficult and sometimes I get emotional but I can't imagine what life would be like now if we had never met...and I don't want to imagine it! Ever. I give thanks for my SP and I ask that his goals be met and supported by the Universe (if they are in his Soul's best interest). Please help him to gain the recognition he desires and the strength to make his future all that he wishes it to be.
I give thanks for my children, in their strengths and weaknesses. I ask to be supported in my desire to help make their dreams come true and in my ability to earn more money so that I can support them fully on my own, and not just support them at the bare minimum but healthily. May they always know that I love them and trust that I do my very best to give them the security and love they need and deserve.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Pictures turned out ok
There's a million more but this is all I have shrunk down. I need to decide which one to put on the website as the one on there is a year old.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sun - Saturn...????
Something for me to ponder and think about...powerful conjunctions. Is it the house? Is it the situation? Is it both? Probably.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Love, Born
Though I have been a bit lazy over the weekend I am happy as I have been inspired today to write a new poem, called Love, Born. It arose while doing the dishes but that is how it goes, lol. All of my creative drive has been going into my book, which is great too. It's hard to focus with the kids home on the weekends and while I was feeling a bit down last night and this morning, I am feeling lighter today.
I've been doing a lot of inner processing and the anger I expressed the other day, while not very pretty, seems to have helped me release some of the old resentments. I am trying to work through this healing process and not repress the anger and sadness, which inevitably will arise. I want to leave on good terms and not as enemies. The children are the most important and I want it to be a genuine release without serious conflicts. I want to be able to look at him and feel compassion and forgiveness. I feel this will be easier when we are physically apart.
Dae is listening to Christmas music!
I feel that dreaded tiredness sneaking upon me and there's really nothing here to make for dinner. I do not feel like walking 4 miles to get food either. I did that yesterday but only got enough food for one day. Will have to figure something out though.
I've been doing a lot of inner processing and the anger I expressed the other day, while not very pretty, seems to have helped me release some of the old resentments. I am trying to work through this healing process and not repress the anger and sadness, which inevitably will arise. I want to leave on good terms and not as enemies. The children are the most important and I want it to be a genuine release without serious conflicts. I want to be able to look at him and feel compassion and forgiveness. I feel this will be easier when we are physically apart.
Dae is listening to Christmas music!
I feel that dreaded tiredness sneaking upon me and there's really nothing here to make for dinner. I do not feel like walking 4 miles to get food either. I did that yesterday but only got enough food for one day. Will have to figure something out though.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Damn she can rock...
I can't believe I never heard of this woman before...I'm sort of shocked by that, as I was very deeply immersed in 70's rock growing up and this woman can really go at it. I can see how Joan Jett came up behind her, listening to this and also, unfortunately, copying her. Jett loses a little bit of her appeal due to that but of course her most popular songs, including "I Love Rock & Roll" and the one I love most, "Crimson and Clover" are covers! So I see she lacked originality but has that je ne sais quoi that makes people stand out.
So, wow, Suzi Quatro...she can rock.
And my life is sort of fucked at the moment so I was escaping through music and no work has gotten done. After waking up to receiving my b-day gift from SP and thinking it was going to be an amazing day, things sort of took a southerly nose dive with this POS issue and being flat ass broke and all my savings depleted. I am really happy with the book as it is wonderful and full of so much info...how does he know how to get the perfect thing for me? :) He amazes me and is so generous...I give thanks for him every day and love him more than I could ever put into words.
So, wow, Suzi Quatro...she can rock.
And my life is sort of fucked at the moment so I was escaping through music and no work has gotten done. After waking up to receiving my b-day gift from SP and thinking it was going to be an amazing day, things sort of took a southerly nose dive with this POS issue and being flat ass broke and all my savings depleted. I am really happy with the book as it is wonderful and full of so much info...how does he know how to get the perfect thing for me? :) He amazes me and is so generous...I give thanks for him every day and love him more than I could ever put into words.
Friday, September 24, 2010
I feel radiant...
but tired after sorting out some things and then doing yoga and then learning new meditations...despite the tiredness, which they said in the video may happen, I am feeling calm and happy. My nose still feels like it is on fire...LOL. It's been a number of years since I've used the breath of fire and wow, I can tell. But it is time to really shift myself physically.
I have been working on my health and I think I know what has happened. Last year when I was pushing my body so hard, working out for 90 minutes in the morning and then walking long distances in the evening really exhausted my adrenals, which I am prone to. So now for me to push my body like that again...it's just not going to work. I'm trying to compromise with it and take things gradually instead of expecting perfection immediately, which I tend to do to myself too much. I wish I could break my diet pepsi addiction as I know it is horrible for me and yet I crave it. Mainly when the stress gets to be too much. I
wow...too tired to even ramble. Better lie down for a bit.
I have been working on my health and I think I know what has happened. Last year when I was pushing my body so hard, working out for 90 minutes in the morning and then walking long distances in the evening really exhausted my adrenals, which I am prone to. So now for me to push my body like that again...it's just not going to work. I'm trying to compromise with it and take things gradually instead of expecting perfection immediately, which I tend to do to myself too much. I wish I could break my diet pepsi addiction as I know it is horrible for me and yet I crave it. Mainly when the stress gets to be too much. I
wow...too tired to even ramble. Better lie down for a bit.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I love him
I just feel it so deeply tonight...I wish we could be together, communicating with our bodies. He is the sexiest man in the Universe.
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Garden Of Love
The Garden Of Love
I went to the Garden of Love.
And saw what I never had seen:
A Chapel was built in the midst,
Where I used to play on the green.
And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
And Thou shalt not, writ over the door;
So I turn'd to the Garden of Love,
That so many sweet flowers bore,
And I saw it was filled with graves,
And tomb-stones where flowers should be:
And priests in black gowns, were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars, my joys & desires.
William Blake
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder
I am too tired to write much but I wanted to express my thanks and gratitude for my SP's presence in my life. He has touched me in ways that can't be explained. I feel him and understand him on a level that others could not imagine. He is a wondrous and amazing man who continues to capture my heart and fuel my inspiration. I love him. He brings me peace and a deep desire all at once.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Let life touch you...
Life has touched me today, in one of those ways that go beyond explanation. I just found this page on "The Four Emotions That Can Lead To Life Change" and really liked it. I want to put it here so I can read it again in the future :)
I have a new client who came unexpectedly last night and she has lived a very difficult life...one worse - in some ways - than my own, which is difficult to imagine sometimes but the truth. We met today and though she only paid for 30 minutes of tarot - which I never even touched my deck - we were together for 2 1/2 hours. She wanted to pay me more but I said not to worry. I do not feel bad or resentful about it but rather elated and happy that I was able to make a difference. I believe she lost about 100 lbs worth of guilt in our time together and even said how she felt amazing and much lighter. I am tired now but so thankful. Maybe I am poor but when I can make a real difference in my work, it is worth it. I am spiritually rich. I will die knowing that I have made a positive mark on many Souls and that means I will be able to die in peace when it is time. I have a number of things in common with this woman, even the desire to work with children in hospice. When Gare is older and needs less care I would like to volunteer to stay with them while they pass on. I know others may not understand my desire to work with dying children but the main reason I want to is because I can...there aren't too many like me in the world and their souls need love and guidance during transition just as much or more than older people.
Ah well, I have all sorts of plans and ideas and who knows if any of them will become reality. I can see my work/job is already in the process of a shift and I think I like it. I feel blessed today and positive that I am fulfilling contractual obligations as written in my 'contract'. I am so happy that Venus has finally gotten out of my 12th house so that others can 'see' me again and come to me...I am never happier than when I am truly being of service and making a difference for others. I do need to earn a living though too, so it is good that Venus is out of my 12th and she won't return during the retro. I am thinking about doing more work on family dynamics and offering family karma as a specific reading but will see.
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Joy can be real only if people look on their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.
- Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
- Kahlil Gibran
There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.
- John Andrew Holmes Jr., American writer and minister
You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.
- Gorden B. Hinkley
I have a new client who came unexpectedly last night and she has lived a very difficult life...one worse - in some ways - than my own, which is difficult to imagine sometimes but the truth. We met today and though she only paid for 30 minutes of tarot - which I never even touched my deck - we were together for 2 1/2 hours. She wanted to pay me more but I said not to worry. I do not feel bad or resentful about it but rather elated and happy that I was able to make a difference. I believe she lost about 100 lbs worth of guilt in our time together and even said how she felt amazing and much lighter. I am tired now but so thankful. Maybe I am poor but when I can make a real difference in my work, it is worth it. I am spiritually rich. I will die knowing that I have made a positive mark on many Souls and that means I will be able to die in peace when it is time. I have a number of things in common with this woman, even the desire to work with children in hospice. When Gare is older and needs less care I would like to volunteer to stay with them while they pass on. I know others may not understand my desire to work with dying children but the main reason I want to is because I can...there aren't too many like me in the world and their souls need love and guidance during transition just as much or more than older people.
Ah well, I have all sorts of plans and ideas and who knows if any of them will become reality. I can see my work/job is already in the process of a shift and I think I like it. I feel blessed today and positive that I am fulfilling contractual obligations as written in my 'contract'. I am so happy that Venus has finally gotten out of my 12th house so that others can 'see' me again and come to me...I am never happier than when I am truly being of service and making a difference for others. I do need to earn a living though too, so it is good that Venus is out of my 12th and she won't return during the retro. I am thinking about doing more work on family dynamics and offering family karma as a specific reading but will see.
Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Joy can be real only if people look on their life as a service, and have a definite object in life outside themselves and their personal happiness.
- Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy
There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.
- Kahlil Gibran
There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.
- John Andrew Holmes Jr., American writer and minister
You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.
- Gorden B. Hinkley
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
I wonder...
what this Full Moon on my Nodes will bring...so far it is quiet and I am relatively calm, sort of dreamy. I want to write a poem but I feel almost too soft (and scattered) to do so.
And a poem....by Sara Teasdale
Longing
I am not sorry for my soul
That it must go unsatisfied,
For it can live a thousand times,
Eternity is deep and wide.
I am not sorry for my soul,
But oh, my body that must go
Back to a little drift of dust
Without the joy it longed to know.
And a poem....by Sara Teasdale
Longing
I am not sorry for my soul
That it must go unsatisfied,
For it can live a thousand times,
Eternity is deep and wide.
I am not sorry for my soul,
But oh, my body that must go
Back to a little drift of dust
Without the joy it longed to know.
Friday, August 13, 2010
To be within the collective Soul
You cannot find your soul with your mind, you must use your heart. You must know what you are feeling. If you don't know what you are feeling, you will create unconsciously. If you are unconscious of an aspect of yourself; if it operates outside your field of awareness, that aspect has power over you.
~ Gary Zukav ~
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Everything is a Miracle
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as if everything is.
~ Albert Einstein ~
Life is a miracle...there are times when I forget to be thankful and fail to be grateful; there are moments when I am angry and lose my way but I find my way back. I stop and take a deep breath; I let the tears fall. When the storm clouds part and the Sun pokes back through, I lift my hands skyward and give thanks.
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