So....here I am...

eating a piece of leftover cold pizza, burning a money candle, and basically playing hooky from work for the moment. I'm such a bad girl sometimes. And pizza should be outlawed, LOL. Especially the 'walmart' fresh ones, because they are cheap and absolutely delicious. This poor last piece was part of a Super supreme...was, as it is nearly gone!

I have a pile of email higher than Mt Rushmore waiting for me...I take one look at it and simply don't want to mess with any of it at all. But it will all have to be tackled and everything done before the weekend as it is my weekend off and I am long past due. Oh, I only have the November scopes, the weekly scopes, the weekly tarot, the Jan - March calendars, an astro-reading...on and on...all must be done by Friday afternoon. If not, then I will push some of it off until next week, but I would rather push myself harder and get it done. I am feeling somewhat better today and even got in some time at the gym. I took it very easy on myself though and only did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 15 on the weights. It was way too crowded this morning with a bunch of older people so I didn't want to hang around too long anyhow. It was 'better than nothing' as Dae would say. And no sign of my predator, so that was good, LOL. Poor guy...I don't even know him and he's already a villain. I will just have to get over myself and learn to handle these things like a somewhat 'normal' person...either that or pretend I know how.

I find it so ironic that I have all this email and I would rather write to myself! Well there is only one personal email in there from my german pal but as she was tearing into me when I was in my dark place, I haven't much desire to reply to it yet. It's been in there for 3 days now. See how naughty I am?? I suppose I will have to at some point today. I just want to chat, that's all, and maybe some would find it very sad that I have to talk to myself so much, but that's how it goes sometimes. Most everyone just chats with me online but I suppose that is hard for them to do when they never know when I am on! LOL Wow, this Saturn stuff has been simply...different. I think I did withdraw from most everyone last time he came around. Anyhow, I sometimes have absolutely nothing and everything to say all at once and it would drive others crazy if they had to listen (or read) my ongoing rambling for too long. Especially when I just randomly jump from one thing to the next without rhyme or reason. This particular thing drives my GP (ha ha German Pal) nuts, though she does it too. Of course she doesn't admit up to that or notice it, but is sure to call me on it. She says I wear her down with my intensity. I can't help it though, what I am. So maybe that's why I have to talk to myself as I can 'run the energy' for quite a while before I crash. Even when I know a crash is coming (like I did last Thursday) and try to stall it, it doesn't work.

BUT like the Phoenix that I am, I rise again and again...out of the flames or out of the raging sea (or both at once), I spread my wings and shine my light.

I feel more at peace again today...somehow different but peaceful. In a quiet (but chatty) place where I recognize that I have been a bit out of control emotionally the past few weeks. Flying so high at first, then bam, broken and flopping about like a fish out of water. I know to others I sometimes appear 'larger than life' or 'over the top' and maybe, to them, I am. Perhaps some would disagree that it is possible to love someone who one has never spoken to or touched...and I suppose that would be how it works for most people, but then again, I am very far from being 'most' people. I know when my Soul has been so deeply pierced and I know what I feel when I feel it; I know that I have never felt so much joy and peace and certainty than I do now. And so much heat...

I seriously have a one track mind sometimes! I have to be patient and allow things to unfold as they will. If he knew how much I think about being with him...or being under him... in the temple or in the crypt...or... I know I can be so confusing as I am so open with these things in writing sometimes (ok, most of the time), I probably give the impression that I am a rapist, LOL. When it is so far from who I am in the flesh...not a rapist, but certainly very sexual, but not in an in-your-face way...very subtle and erotic. I suppose this is what draws the Scorpion. I guess if you've truly got it, you don't have to flaunt it. HA HA In my case, I try to hide it from strangers. But with him...oh, I may be shy at first but he will melt me open within minutes. I will be so vulnerable but somehow that turns me on with him rather than off!! This is the trust thing again...and so different and delightful an experience for me. I suppose this is why I am so in awe of all these things that arise within me through our connection.

I love looking at him too...I can only imagine how it will be in person. Will I stare at him in hunger or blush like a maiden? Or, somehow, both all at once? I even intrigue myself with these things!!! And although I tell myself I won't ramble on and on about my love, I always seem to come back to him. He is on my mind...very obviously so!!

I so want to go to Virginia this weekend...I nearly emailed the lady and asked if she'd give us a discount (as she isn't booked yet). BUT I can't really justify it, especially as the car needs so much work and the drive would probably kill her off. Yet...I am longing to be in the mountains and see the leaves. I've been fighting this urge for nearly 2 weeks now. Maybe if I make a lot of money today I will email her tonight...I will let Spirit decide what the right thing is to do on this. Lots of money = weekend trip. Little money = stay home.

Saturn - Neptune, Osiris - Isis??

I've somewhat turned my poetry blog into a temporary holding ground for my personal astro-rambles. Sometimes this stuff should be on the astrology blog but it is way too personal so it ends up here. Perhaps once I work through some of it and formulate something worthy to share with the world I will create something of value for TNF.

I am still in something of an emotional crisis but I think it is because I fell extremely ill last night and am unable to focus for too long on anything significant. I swear I have had this same crap 3 times already this year...likely a mutating strain of some type of flu. Not sure. But I am certainly not feeling great. Funny how I am feeling upset I will miss the gym tomorrow...I can barely walk, so don't think I will be in any shape for all that.

I have been drawn to think about my Saturn-Neptune opposition today...I suppose anything I can toss out here to myself may help in the future when I finally get to work on my pet project (instead of just talking about it). I actually have a lot of it written in my head but just need to pull it all together, do the necessary additional research, and pop it out. Sounds easy...that's me fooling myself.

So...a huge struggle my whole life has been feeling out of control in so many areas. That other people control me, or have power over me, especially men when it comes to sex and intimacy. Like I have no ability or right to say no, so I become evasive, hide, or situate myself with men around me to block out approaches by others (maybe why I've always had male friends??? In my early 20's I was always surrounded by GAY males...my supposedly safe protectors?!) I was even engaged to one and almost agreed to remain celibate! Oh, thank the Universe for not letting me do something that stupid...not to mention he nearly killed me when I tried to get away and then stalked me for years. If it hadn't been for another man who had just happened to stop by WAITING TO SEE HIM, I probably wouldn't be here. That man (boy really, he was only 17) saved my life, I know it. I am really on a roll regarding self-understanding this weekend.

Anyhow, I found the following on the internet:

Across from the 8th house, the 2nd house is where we possess things: money, valuables, values and even ourselves. It is the sphere of control over our lives, the place where we exert power over what we own, including our bodies. It is the space where we forge self-worth, self-control, self-possession.

In the 2nd house we POSSESS our BODIES...I have NEPTUNE there...not much in possession of myself, am I?? No wonder I have always felt I was prey!

The 8th house is exactly the opposite: It is where power, control and possession belong to others. We usually think of the 8th house as other people’s money, but that’s just a symbol of its underlying and deeply powerful dynamic: the ability of another person — including their possessions, valuables, values and motivations — to affect our lives without our consent.

In the 8th house OTHERS POSSESS...my Saturn/Vx/Juno...


I found this info on this very interesting astro-site (it also discussed Isis & Osiris a bit): http://www.depthastrology.net/2008/10/09/astrologys-8th-house-possession-sedation-rope-swings-and-trust/

Ironically, I LONG to be POSSESSED by a lover...to be pillaged and taken, even somewhat 'owned,' especially sexually. The catch is that he must be a lover of MY choice, one I TRUST with every aspect of my being, knowing that he cherishes me and would never truly hurt me. It seems such a conflict within me, doesn't it? But within that state of trust and love, the sky would be the limit. So if I was in such a state, I would not resent being possessed at all but would rather freely (Neptune) give all over to him. And in that state, he would be my safe place and protector, keeping all the other men away from me and realizing my full devotion (Neptune). How did I go off on this tangent??? I am too sick to get worked up - or so I thought.

It all ties in together though, really...all about understanding my own Being on a deeper level. Understanding my past, my present, and looking forward to a happier, more loving, more self-honest future.

Il Mio Mondo...Poseidon

Just another day lost at Sea, lol...and enjoying it. Dreaming a dream, reveling in oceanic feelings of bliss and connection, at least for the past hour or so. I've been contemplating on my love's Poseidon/SN/Cupido conjunction in the 12th...such a spiritual loving & intuitive potential!

When I think back over the readings I have done for him, not even knowing about this conjunction, I truly amaze my own self with the information I can pull in. I am so blessed in so many ways; I just need to keep it in mind when I feel overwhelmed by other's needs. I am especially blessed with my love. He is the most amazing man...never in a million years could I have dreamed him up even in my most vivid fantasy world! And it is not that I put him on a pedestal (too high) in an unrealistic way - at least I don't think so! - but rather I am amazed that there is actually someone in the Universe I feel so close and attuned to...and most important, that I feel safe emotionally with and can trust with all my deeper Self. Someone of my spiritual equal and (I just know) sexual equal, which is only something I have dreamed of in the past, never truly thinking it was possible, let alone residing within one Soul! And this is why I am lost in a sea of bliss. And his powers of concentration and memory and intelligence and humor and those gorgeous eyes, oh...I've never felt any sort of awe for anyone in my life, ever, prior to meeting him. This is an entirely new experience for me and I am just beside myself with internal happiness and peace. A deep healing is taking place between us. I am very aware of this and there is nothing more beautiful.

Some days, like today, I just want to shout it from a mountaintop somewhere and laugh and laugh and laugh. Others may think I am totally crazy but I don't care! I even overwhelm myself with my emotions sometimes, which is why I have to write to myself...quietly ecstatic. I was scared before, I know that now...not prepared for such a deep state of connection. Not prepared to put down all walls. Although it was difficult I see now that perhaps our separation was necessary so that I would be more open to the powerful energy between us; so I would stop fighting and surrender to it...to not feel threatened by my own feelings and all that he invokes within me, but to learn to embrace and enjoy it. I now find myself so intensely with him, so devoted, so...loving, but it goes so far beyond a lust or a crush or even anything I have felt before as love. It is truly an experience that goes beyond any words or description. I could not even know how to tell him all that I feel with words. It is something that must be shared through the meeting of eyes and the joining of bodies.

And I should, um, stop thinking along those lines lest I frustrate myself, lol.

So...how about a poem? :D From one of my favorite poets (the only one who compares is Blake:))

Love's Philosophy

"The fountains mingle with the rivers
And the rivers with the oceans,
The winds of heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one spirit meet and mingle.
Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high heaven
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother,
And the sunlight clasps the earth
And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
What is all this sweet work worth
If thou kiss not me?"

Percy Bysshe Shelley

Immortal love opens like a Lotus in bloom

In this sacred place, the inner core of my own Being, I am aware of the subtle shift not only within my own mini-cosmos but within the larger cosmos as a whole. Each day the sesen opens into a blossom as the Sun climbs higher in the sky...and I sense this blossoming as surely as I feel my love's heart beating as he rests.

Now I am at peace, in this moment I am in the flow, bathing in the richness of energy and the pulsating rhythm of the Universe. I am quiet and steady, my love growing with every breath I take in this body. My love for my love and my love for all that is, blossoming as the lotus in many directions, encompassing all in Spirit but reserved in essence for my immortal love, my beloved of the beloved. I am intense, true, and few would understand the depth of my intensity - the hot and cool waters which swirl together, the sacred pearl and the duality of life, the balance created through opposites as we interact and touch one another. There are no words to express all that I feel or all that I see...and the most magnificent aspect is the beauty of being able to let go. To relinquish control and knowing - trusting -that all will unfold as intended...having all fears quieted and standing steady in the garden, holding the apple with full knowledge that I will never regret taking a bite. For my love is a sacred love, an immortal love, reaching far beyond this life and this form, ordained and written in the Stars.

I have loved before...yet no matter how deep a love I have felt for others in the past, none come close to what I am feeling now. I have questioned whether I have ever truly loved before, and I feel the answer lies in the wide variety of manifestations of love and the potential to give and receive love. Yes, I have loved but not in such a spiritual, all-encompassing, unconditional, truly connected way...I have never felt so at ease within the emotions, so fully involved, grounded while dreaming. I have been involved in Saturn-Neptune connections before and have suffered both the beauty and the pain...but within this love, the times I have felt pain, I never lost sight of the beauty. Even when he let me go for several months, I embraced the beauty and the growth I had experienced within. Anger - which is something I would usually feel at such treatment - was fleeting and barely perceptible. Sadness, which I did feel, would have led to despondency and there were times of that...but beneath it all, even in our separation, I felt my love for him in a timeless way. A knowing that I loved him and that I had always loved him deep down within the waters of my Soul. A knowing that he was within me, always. And I liked feeling him within...and I have truly granted him access with blessings and love, trusting him with all that I am. He is the only Soul I would trust within my own. This sets him apart from every other love I have ever known. I admire him, I respect him, I honor him.

I do not know how it will unfold and I will not try to force it; rather, I will relax and enjoy him and our connection, knowing that I love him in an open manner, love freely and delightfully given, just as the Sun provides the light for the Lotus to blossom...knowing that I will love him forever, no matter how far apart we are, incarnated in form or not. No matter our challenges.

He is my Dragon, my phoenix and rebirth. His fire inspires me; his heart is the pearl of wisdom and unfolding beauty. Through my love for him I caress the Universe.

Put your lips on my mouth

Me...tonight...exactly what I am feeling and describes it perfectly (other than the cut-off jeans part - and I am much more patient!). Oh...oh...if only he knew...

I need to write some poetry but...

Lyrics to 'Wanted' by Jessie James.

I wanna lie in my bed
And do nothing
I don’t care what anyone says
I got you on my mind
Thinking about one thing
Gonna show you how I do it best

Put my lips on your mouth
Keep you comin around
Cus I like it
Put your hands on my hips
Take me down
Sink this ship
Boy I can’t resist

I wanna wear my hair wild in a mess
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?
Give you something like you’ve never had
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you
I wanna tease you till you’re begging me
And you’re on your knees
And its hard to breathe
And every other time is just a memory
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you

Those other guys when they call
I might answer
But you’re the one I’m thinking bout
So baby don’t disappoint
Just move faster
And show me what you’re feeling now

Put your lips on my mouth
Keep it comin around
Cus I like it
Nothings wrong
It’s so right
Got permission from me tonight
So turn off the lights

I wanna wear my hair wild in a mess
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?
Give you something like you’ve never had
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you
I wanna tease you till you’re begging me
And you’re on your knees
And it’s hard to breathe
And every other time is just a memory
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you

Now I’m going crazy
I’m tired of waiting
My lips are on fire
I just want you to know
I’m losing my patience
For the time that you’ve wasted

Put your lips on my mouth
Put your lips on my mouth
Put your lips on my...

I wanna wear my hair wild in a mess
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?
Give you something like you’ve never had
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you
I wanna tease you till you’re begging me
And you’re on your knees
And it’s hard to breathe
And every other time is just a memory
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you

I give thanks for another day of loving

“Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.”

~Kahlil Gibran

*sigh*

There is a new poem up called "I Am In The Air, Mercurial"...it is VERY short! But I like it anyhow.

This is why I love my life...

I am deeply touched tonight; so much so that I have tears in my eyes as I write this here to myself. So often we do not take the time to be thankful for our life, for those moments that bless us although they must end...for the memories we have shared over our lifetime with our friends, family, and loved ones. I feel a deep sense of connection to all that is, to those I love, to those I've had to let go, and for every particle of life that is. All that is.

What has brought this mood upon me? I think it is a combination of things. We watched the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and then I sat down to check emails. In my email was a message from a complete and total stranger - a website visitor. A man from another country who does not speak English fluently but his words hit me so deeply...his pain even now welling up through me. His heart breaking; his fear holding him back from the woman he loves. I work with these situations every day but there is something more wrenching when a man can admit such things to me, a total stranger, due to something I have written and shared. I am so happy to be able to help others with my own pain and my own experiences. It just simply makes the tragedies I have lived through worth it. Every single one of them. And I know so deep within my own being that no matter what else I must face in the future, it too will be worth it if I can turn it around to touch just one other Soul and bring them a sense of understanding and faith.

This is why I love my life...this sense of truly making a difference on a level that goes beyond words. It is all worth it - every life, every wound, every death, every touch and kiss, every loss. These things weave a Soul into being.

Uranian madness!

How amazing life is when Uranus is active...simply amazing. I never know what I will wake up to day to day. I think the only real way to keep one's sanity and deal with all the ups and downs and twists and turns is to LAUGH! Just laugh and laugh until you can't laugh anymore. That's what I do on roller coasters; laugh my ass off.

I laugh in the face of danger - ha ha ha roar (good ol' Lion King)

I am blessed, I know that I am and even while the great majority of those I care about the most are far from me, they are always in my heart. I have been touched so many times so deeply...and lately, when the floor is starting to shift out from under my feet, I have found that 'angels' are supporting me. I have never known what it is like to have someone truly be there for me when I need someone...I have never before known what it was like to have emotional support of any kind other than what I've been able to provide for myself. I think this must mean I have 'graduated' from a specific school of Soul torture. Progress...hell yes! And while I still fall into black moods, they do not last very long at all (see my last blog!).

No matter what, I get by, I survive, and I do it with a smile...even if I have to shed a few tears first I know that I will be smiling shortly, so that tears are nothing but a release...a flow.

Sometimes I still feel very alone but I know that is just an illusion. There are a few like myself out there and I have found them - or they me - and that gives a sense of solidarity when I must deal with the 'others'. It helps me to be a little more patient, a little more tolerant, and I am practicing tolerance and compassion as much as possible these days. It is still a MAJOR struggle to not want to smack the crap out of other drivers 20+ times a day, but at least I am no longer cursing them verbally quite so much as I used to. I am trying (very hard) to accept that YES, Stupidity is a fact of life. I am also learning to accept that YES, the great majority of the population see nothing but themselves nor do they care to be open to other perspectives. And I am working on accepting that many of those who think they are Spiritual and compassionate are just as selfish, egotistical, and ignorant of the feelings of others as those who do not put on such pretenses.

Beyond all that, I am doing what I can to make self-adjustments and not worry so much about what others are doing. Either they fit into my flow or they do not - and vice versa. No crimps in the wire please, lol.

I give thanks for all I am and all that I will be...thanks for my real friends (especially those elite who communicate and work on the same plane as I do), for those who try to help even if they can't, for my clients, and my children.

Sending love to those who can receive it and even those who can't! To those who have hurt me, to those who have lied to and deceived me, to those who want to kill me, to those who think I am crazy, to those who fear me...to everyone. As I said, Uranus is all about LAUGHING...Laugh hysterically and just enjoy the irony, the free falls, the pitch-black tunnels, all of it!

Dena

PS There's a poem I posted a few days back called "A Motif Foreign"

Homo cogitat, Deu indicat

I feel I shall implode or evaporate. The complexities of my thoughts are enigmatic and sullen, intense and quiet. There are no tears, no, and no words to express my mood. I do not want to analyze it nor do I want to fall into the black cloud that awaits. Many things are running through my mind, many so quickly they could never be captured. How I long for the calm of the past few weeks. I have begun a poem (as all decidedly tortured souls do) but it is thus far 3 lines:

I sigh into you,
A deep caress of the soul outbound
Entering the flesh of the world in near-silence

That is all and anything more would be forced. So here I am typing away to myself in search of...what? A drop of wisdom...a theory...some type of viewpoint to cling to? Or do I simply need to save myself or calm my mind? Winds and torrential rain, damp earth, and the scent of the past. This and nothing more. All that is. The earth and the sky, the music of lightning, of worms moving through soil...

How I wonder what it would be like to be a more simple person...to crave less, to cherish more. To accept the 'lot' given and not be driven, ceaselessly driven to be more, to give more, to live more. To not have bouts of existential angst.

And two more lines:

I sigh into you,
A deep caress of the soul outbound
Entering the flesh of the world in near-silence,
A potent mist embalmed, a forgotten shadow
Dedicated to fields of glory, blood-stained.

This too shall pass.

Homo cogitat, Deu indicat

Don't ever forget it.

Is love so fragile...

I'm in yet another sort of soft and romantic of mood...so I will share the lyrics to one of the most enduring love songs (duet) ever...love it. I have also posted a new poem on the website that I like quite a bit - Wild and Windswept

Leather & Lace
Stevie Nicks & Don Henley

Is love so fragile...
And the heart so hollow
Shatter with words...
Impossible to follow
Youre saying I'm fragile... I try not to be
I search only... for something I can't see

I have my own life... and I am stronger
Than you know
But I carry this feeling
When you walked into my house
That you won't be walking out the door
Still I carry this feeling
When you walked into my house
That you won't be walking out the door

Lovers forever... face to face
My city or mountains
Stay with me stay
I need you to love me
I need you today
Give to me your leather...
Take from me... my lace

You in the moonlight
With your sleepy eyes
Could you ever love a man like me
And you were right
When I walked into your house
I knew I'd never want to leave
Sometimes I'm a strong man
Sometimes cold and scared
And sometimes I cry
But that time I saw you
I knew with you to light my nights
Somehow Id get by
First time I saw you
I knew with you to light my nights
Somehow I would get by

Lovers forever... face to face
My city or mountains
Stay with me stay
I need you to love me
I need you today
Give to me your leather...
Take from me... my lace

Lovers forever... face to face
My city or mountains
Stay with me stay
I need you to love me
I need you to stay
Give to me your leather
Take from me... my lace
Take from me... my lace
Take from me... my lace

Imagery of Fire & Flame

I've been thinking about how often the imagery of fire and flame appears in my writing as well as my imagination and thoughts...I wouldn't say that I use it more than anything else, but quite often, especially when writing somewhat erotic pieces. It's not unusual, I suppose, but I come from a very - let's just say - HEATED history and still, to this day, smell fire or feel heat when there isn't anything obvious happening or showing. When I was little I would get up in the night searching for fires quite often and that still happens occasionally because I really do smell it. I have a very sensitive sense of smell and this may explain some of it.

I like to sit and watch flames dance, just sit in the quiet watching in a somewhat meditative state. I do this with candles and fireplaces and rarely (these days) bon fires. It can be used as a door into deeper parts of myself or connect me to the Universe so I can receive messages. It may be my so-called 'lack' of fire in my chart (I have to laugh about that though, as I can be very fiery - I do truly count my Aries DSC and my first house planets), or it may be my history. Perhaps a combination of things...but what I am dancing around is my quest to understand why I so often use fire in erotic works. The passion? The feeling of being consumed? Dying such a glorious 'death'...or the desire to be so intensely involved with a special someone that it feels as if we are so hot for one another that we ARE on fire?

Yes, I know, I can be a bit of a dreamer but I do have intense needs and desires. Yet I am a realist enough to understand that no one can actually set the sheets on fire (or can they? lol)...nor would I truly want to catch fire (again) but it is a sensual, consuming image and I like it.

LOL...this is how my mind works, in twists and turns until I come to the conclusion. All that jabber lead me back to a simple "sensual, consuming image and I like it." There's the answer.

So...I have a new poem up called Falling Away in Ashes with, yes, fire and flames and burning consumption...

Cool misty mornings and fog on the rocks in the evening

I am in a very soft and sensual mood...a poetic mood but not so much with a need to write it but rather to have it written for me or read to me. Something to touch me so deeply that I will catch my breath and daydream for hours. I am a blessed woman. I am so very loved and even in the moments I forget, my dear friends are there hiding in the shadows, just waiting for a moment to give me more love. And how I love them too, oh so much.

Life can be rough...it isn't always easy to be a starving artist (or starving astrologer), but in my quiet moments I know I how blessed I am in so many ways, even if I have yet to maintain a solid material base, lol.

Today is one of my dearest and oldest (wow, 25 years we've known one another!) friend's birthday and he took his time to give me this tidbit of poetic affection (after telling me how FL does not suit me): your vibe is totally cool misty mornings and fog on the rocks in the evening

I do not know why but I truly love that description of myself...I see how accurate it is...something wild, uncontrollable, permeating, and yet soft all at once. Even the fog on rocks fits well...underneath my soft, yielding, inherently loving self is a streak of solid and immovable, steadfast will - a rock core.

I am listening to Carli Bruni. I absolutely adore her voice. Right now it is "Le Ciel Dans une Chambre (Il Cielo in Una Stanza)."

When I am in such a mood I read poetry...not just 'famous' poets, but also poets like myself, those who write because they need to or want to. Actually, that is pretty much all poets, even the ones who eventually become well known (generally after they are dead!). So tonight I have been reading the works of others on Author's den and found this absolute gem, which I hope you will enjoy too.


Her Middle Name is Music
by Gene Williamson
Friday, June 05, 2009
　
I like the rhythm in her walk,
I like the tempo in her talk,
the crescendo when she kisses me.
She’s a living, loving melody,
a Grand ‘Ol Opry jamboree.
Her middle name is music.

She’s an operatic aria,
a philharmonic orchestra,
an anatomic symphony,
a rhapsody at Carnegie.

I like her syncopated hips,
the heart-shaped music on her lips,
Read the rest here!

Ahhh...

I'm going to go sink further into Bruni's voice now.

Sweet love,

Dena

God(dess) Bless the USA - The American Flag

From the Lakes of Minnesota to the hills of Tennessee, across the plains of Texas, from Sea to shining Sea, from Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA....

'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God Bless the USA!

Happy 233rd Birthday, America!

The American Flag

When Freedom from her mountain height
Unfurled her standard to the air
She tore the azure robe of night
And set the stars of glory there!

She mingled with its gorgeous dyes
The milky baldric of the skies,
And striped its pure celestial white
With streakings of the morning light;

Then, from his mansion in the sun,
She called her eagle-bearer down,
And gave into his mighty hand,
The symbol of her chosen land.

Flag of the brave! thy folds shall fly
The sign of hope and triumph high!
When speaks the signal-trumpet tone
And the long line comes gleaming on.

Ere yet the life-blood, warm and wet,
Has dimmed the glistening bayonet
Each soldier eye shall brightly turn
To where thy sky-born glories burn,
And as his springing steps advance,
Catch war and vengeance from the glance;

And when the cannon-mouthings loud
Heaven in wild wreaths the battle-shroud
And gory sabers rise and fall,
Like shoots of flame on midnight's pall;

Then shall thy meteor-glances glow,
And cowering foes shall sink beneath
Each gallant arm that strikes below
That lovely messenger of death.

Flag of the seas! on ocean wave
Thy stars shall glitter o'er the brave;
When death. careening on the gale,
Sweeps darkly round the bellied sail,

And frighted waves rush wildly back
Before the broadside's reeling rack,
Each dying wanderer of the sea
Shall look at once to heaven and thee.
And smile to see thy splendors fly
In triumph o'er his closing eye.

Flag of the free heart's hope and home,
By angel hands to valor given!
Thy stars have lit the welkin dome,
And all thy hues were born in heaven.

Forever float that standard sheet!
Where breathes the foe but falls before us,
When Freedom's soil beneath our feet,
And Freedom's banner streaming o'er us!"

Joseph Rodman Drake
1795–1820

Each breath I take has the potential...

I am in the process of becoming...each breath I take has the potential to bring a new perspective...every time I exhale I am connected with all that is. I have reached a crossroad in my growth, a point where I can see the land unfolding before me in the distance, undulating and beautiful, like cherry blossoms in the spring or the sweet laughter of a child at play. This is the path I wish to take, to tread lightly upon yet remain grounded in form. It is not that I haven't been on path up until now because certainly I have, although I have chosen a very rocky and unsteady road to travel upon...but if I continue upon this road it will only become steeper and more dangerous. I am sure many of you have seen road signs in a mountainous area that says "Watch for falling rocks." Well, I have no desire to be one of those rocks crashing unceremoniously.

My main obstacle now - which I have been aware of for several years - is basically my health. Without that, we have nothing. And I have struggled with several health issues that I know, without a doubt, can be healed through diet. I have experience with implementing dietary interventions for both myself and my son but I tend to fall off the boat when stress becomes too much. When the bank account is empty and little is flowing to me, it becomes a major struggle because, let's face it, it is much cheaper to eat fast food or carbohydrates than it is to nourish ourselves with organic fruits and vegetables and free-range or grass-fed meats. Modern food is addictive and the dietary guidelines provided, at least here in the US, are ridiculously misleading. I know what I need to do diet-wise to heal myself and to become the healthy, glowing individual I wish to be...I see the potential but have yet to develop a smooth-flowing source of income that would support these changes. I love my work and am developing several new things but these things take time.

Once I heal myself physically I know I will move more toward healing others physically. I see a wide open gap that I can help fill and once I complete my studies - both bookwise, in the field, and with my Self healing - I will be a very valuable source for others. I feel myself moving further and further away from working with relationships but it tends to go in a spiral sort of cycle. It no longer holds the fascination or the challenge it once did. When I'm bored, I must move on...only the karma and soul growth aspects of the work are interesting now.

Please send me a few new Soul paths or Karmic Synastry readings soon!

I've been told it takes courage to write about my personal challenges and life in my blogs but I don't know...I feel that I connect more powerfully to the Universe and to the web of life through sharing myself with the world in this context. I have little need to prove myself to others or indeed, to hide myself from others. I feel that by genuinely expressing my own being that it helps others realize that they too can be who they are without fear. The trouble with the world is that most care way too much what others think of them...and people criticize and judge others harshly usually because they are projecting part of themself outward on the other. The one who irritates you the most is the one who is expressing a characteristic that is also your own, only demonized or kept as a shadow by one's personality/ego. What we do not understand, we have a tendency to fear...this is why so many have feared me, because they do not understand me. I do not fit in with the general population, the societal mindframe, or the expectations of others. This has caused me great grief at times in my life where others have attacked me or tried to change me. I have been critical of others in the past and I have worked long and hard with this lesson myself. It was very difficult when I was younger to not fear those who do not resonate with me - certainly any young child or teenager or even young adult would fear those who feared them and threatened them! So while they were attacking me, I in turn would critcize them either openly (rarely) or within my own being. I did not understand that it was I who was the threat to them! I felt I was being unfairly ostracized but while this may break others and cause them to become what others want them to be in order to lessen the pain, it did not break me because I am very pig-headed and very rebellious. The more others wanted to break me, the more fearful I truly became as I became a negative source of power. In retrospect I can clearly see now where I created my own obstacles and erected my own fortress around my heart and being. Yet I do not blame myself for what was, nor do I harbor any regrets for the struggles have created who I am today. I can truly and clearly say that I love myself. I love my eccentricities and the flukes in my personality, things that give me much to smile about and work on or bridge. Now that I understand why others do the things they do I am much less critical of their failings. It helps to keep in mind "let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

I have been distracted by a phone call from the school and am now feeling quiet...so let me share a poem with you instead:

The Happiest Day, The Happiest Hour

The happiest day- the happiest hour
My sear'd and blighted heart hath known,
The highest hope of pride and power,
I feel hath flown.

Of power! said I? yes! such I ween;
But they have vanish'd long, alas!
The visions of my youth have been-
But let them pass.

And, pride, what have I now with thee?
Another brow may even inherit
The venom thou hast pour'd on me
Be still, my spirit!

The happiest day- the happiest hour
Mine eyes shall see- have ever seen,
The brightest glance of pride and power,
I feel- have been:

But were that hope of pride and power
Now offer'd with the pain
Even then I felt- that brightest hour
I would not live again:

For on its wing was dark alloy,
And, as it flutter'd- fell
An essence- powerful to destroy
A soul that knew it well.

Edgar Allan Poe

Poker Face and A poem

I'm a rambler tonight...let me mention, before I forget, that a poem finally erupted out of me this morning and is posted on the site: Water and Stone, Ice and Flame

Ahhh...well, I have no one to talk to and I am sooooo chatty. Poor Sonja is hurting and I wore her out the past two nights with my jabber...we had a great Astro-chat though. At least I didn't keep her up until 3 am last night for once. I am supposed to be working but I don't feel like it. I went out to lunch with my two lovely sisters - first time in a very long time it was just us - and had a good talk and that sort of set the current mood. But who am I kidding, I woke up needing to communicate, and out popped the poem. Tonight is 'movie night' with Gare, so that will be nice. He just came over and I made him listen to Poker Face and he said he hates it. LOL He always says he hates stuff and then I catch him singing it later on.

Not sure if I put any vacation photos in the blog yet (and can't check without publishing) so I think I will share a few. The 3rd is Cold Mountain (taken from the Blue Ridge Parkway), which is the mtn we stayed on. The 2nd is Looking Glass Falls in the Pisgah National Forest. The 1st is a very erotic statue/fountain of Persephone I found on a walk in Charleston. I have so many more pics, just haven't made them small enough to share yet. I've promised my friends on myspace to get them around but that hasn't happened!!





Love in the darkness...let's dance

The tension of becoming...or not...

"You're everywhere to me, when I close my eyes it's you I see.
You're everything I know that makes me believe I'm not alone."

A few lines from "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch...to me this is an incredibly powerful spiritual song, whether or not it was written and performed as such. Sometimes all I have is my relationship to Spirit and I suppose, in the end, that is all any of us truly have and I am blessed to have it. There are times when I question my direction and I know that I must simply let go and let higher power work through me but it is not easy, not at all, to relinquish working toward the dreams and basic desires that we all, in body, share. And I am very firmly entrenched in body despite fighting it for the majority of this life! It seems an odd catch-22 that I must deal with a body but am to face life from a perspective of not being my own person with my own dreams but rather a voice and a channel and a priest and... Erosion of the ego, I suppose.

I am feeling quite sad tonight...sad and alone, though not alone...never that. When I am feeling this way I can quite understand why some monks used to flog themselves...the pain of the body takes away the pain of the emotions and the longing for what they cannot enjoy. I can understand why those who do not have a strong link to Spirit (and perhaps the body itself) take their own lives when they feel such unbearable pain. But oh, it's nothing new to me, no...not new at all. I wanted to write a poem but nothing would come out...the few bits that did were too like prior works. I can't even find release that way at the moment, lol. Yet despite the pain and sadness, I keep on the happy, understanding, comforting face so others can have their needs met while mine go, as always, unfulfilled.

My lips would be wet with your kisses...

Right about now you'd be saying sweet nothings,
and I'd be hanging on your every word
My lips would be wet with your kisses,
and we'd be lost in our own little world

Right about now, I'd be feeling your heart beat
and your fingers touching my skin
Oh, what I wouldn't give to be back in your arms somehow
Oh, Right about now

Right about now, you'd promise forever
and swear I hadn't felt nothing yet
Then you'd pull me a little bit closer
and I'd play just hard enough to get

Right about now, we'd be under the covers
making love that knew no shame
What I wouldn't do to be with you somehow
Right about now

Baby

Now the clock on the wall keeps ticking
oh but time's sure been passing slow
And it's myself that I've been kicking
for ever letting you go

But darling, you know where to find me
should you have a change of heart
I sure could use a little of you no doubt
Right about now

I sure could use you, baby, right about now
Since you've been gone there's nothing, right about now.
I sure do need your touching right about now
Right about now

Tanya Tucker : Right About Now Lyrics
Songwriters: Rick Bowles; Jeff Silbar

I love this song and know that feeling of longing so very well. I am in a soft, nearly sad yet sensual sort of mood.I know, I know...I'm a strange one. I could try to write something but it is easier to listen to music, lol! Maybe when I'm done putting up the new candles I have in.

The song of the sea...it calls to me

Today is a creative day...I felt it the moment my eyes opened this morning. A dreamy haze-like day but one in which I must also work and conquer a few things in preparation for a difficult day tomorrow. So I began my day with a poem, which I have already posted on the site, called No Thunderous Dance. Then I read several poems, finally settling on two by Sara Teasdale (is is Sarah with an h or without? I've seen it both ways!). The one on the website is her work "Come" - short but strong. And below is "Ebb Tide"...I may have shared this one before!

Ebb Tide

When the long day goes by
And I do not see your face,
The old wild, restless sorrow
Steals from its hiding place.

My day is barren and broken,
Bereft of light and song,
A sea beach bleak and windy
That moans the whole day long.

To the empty beach at ebb tide,
Bare with its rocks and scars,
Come back like the sea with singing,
And light of a million stars.

Sarah Teasdale


My mind has been playing with an image of Persephone I saw in Charleston a few days ago - a bronze statue - that I really liked a lot. I am not yet sure what will come from this image but it is symbolic and touching something within that should arise in some form, be it a memory or a poem or some other creative work. Despite the seeming importance, I only took one photo! Luckily it turned out all right :D

I'm in a place where all things seem tinted with a touch of gold and pink, at least within myself, for the moment. I am not sure if I am happy or sad or in a state of inner peace, no matter how temporary. But I go to the chiro soon and then must come back down to Earth and get busy with what must be done, no matter how boring or mundane.

Surrender to the Universe (or at least the music!)

When all is dark, I have faith there will be light again...when the clouds fade the path will be clear...this I say, this I know, as I will it, it will be so :)

It's been a rough few days and I suspect it will be a challenging summer, but all I can do is go with the flow and surrender to the Universe.

I am not writing much lately as I have been too involved with work and the necessities of living...I do not have much time for me, as it were. I have developed a new passion, which is belly dancing! LOL I wish I had more time for it and my spine would cooperate more, but I am slowly learning and enjoying it. I feel very at home with the movements and do have decent isolation due to practicing yoga off and on for years...but it will take time and it is for me anyhow, so it doesn't much matter how long it takes. I need to get a big mirror though so I can watch rather than just feel - which I am doing currently.

It is so hot here, very oppressive.

Listening to this belly dancing song called Naweam by Mohamed V. I think it is my favorite of all the hundred or so I've heard so far. It definitely gets me moving! So have to go now and move! lol

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

Ahhh...what tired, aching feet!! But it WAS a great day and Gare was soooo happy. Love making him happy. Can't believe he is 10 (TEN) years old already!!!

We've been at Epcot all day for his birthday...just got him to bed. Love him soooooo much. Here's a few pictures from today: